What is it about a trip to the hardware store, or what I call my husband’s shopping utopia, that is just so horrible. I’m not talking about the small Mom & Pop hardware stores, I can usually entertain myself there. I’m talking about the mega-large hardware havens for the die-hard do-it-your-selfers.
My husband promises it will just be a quick, one-stop shop to pick up some new barbecue items but before I know it I have been whirled into the lumber department…then plumbing…flooring…garden…fencing and lighting. It’s never ending.
I swear when we drive into the parking lot my boys cringe at the sight of the store. They know they are in for a marathon shop. I on the other hand always believe THIS TIME will be different. Yes, it will only take a minute. There is nothing else we need. Nothing.
Yeah right. We might not need it, but we are sure as hell going to look at it. Roofing nails, heavy staplers, air compressors, wood stain, hoses…OMG so many dang hoses and sizes, diameters and lengths. Let’s not forget the cement aisle, because oh yes, one day we might want to mix up some dang cement. And then there’s this aisle with rolls and rolls of chains and wires and now my boys are rolling and laying on the concrete floor. “Daddy please, please can we go? Our legs are going to fall off.”
It’s literally horrible. It’s never different. Why can’t I learn? I need an intervention.
And then it happens. He finally agrees it’s time to check out and we turn down an aisle to head towards the cashier, BUT IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE DREADED NUT AND BOLTS AISLE! Kill me now.
I kid you not, we remain in that holy-hell screw aisle for at least forty-five minutes. I’m still amazed I didn’t spontaneously combust.
I swear, I’m never going back.
I’m not.
One Year Ago Today: Coincidence or Conspiracy
Harry says
Ah1 I see what went wrong. You married a man. We men don’t read instruction manuals, so we need to know precisely where we can lay our hands on all kinds of stuff we might never need. Isn’t it obvious?
deeba says
Holy-hell screw aisle…LOL!! Yes, you need immediate intevention my dear. Let him do it on his own next time…a hardware shop can’t be a quick one-stop shop, like a cookware shop isn’t for me. My kids cringe whenever I enter a cookware/bakeware store & continue to whine unabated until the time I exit!!
HoneyB says
haha I know exactly what your talking about
DG at Diaryofamadbathroom says
We have an agreement in our house; I don’t drag him all over the mall and make him hold my purse and he goes to Home Depot on his own. Cuts the whine factor down to zero on both parts.
Liz C. says
Mr. Snoots & I made an agreement 32 years ago to never shop together, which is, I think, the reason we’re still married, lol.
Spinach Tiger says
It’s usually ME that holds us up at the hardware store. 🙂
A hardware store is like a box of dreams. Oh, what I could do with this…..
JIM-49 says
Well,Ladies,”You missed something,you are known to be good at”!! Looking around!! Maybe its a Southern Thing,since most men cook down here,don’t know about the North?? But,our major ARF,ARF,stores have the biggest section of cooking recipe books,in with the other fine books!! I don’t only mean magizines,but thick,large recipe books,plus kitchen,books of all sorts!! Some you only find at large book stores.I always hit both the ARF-ARF Aisles,then the Oh-Got to make that Aisles.Just let him look,with a promise “If I go,will you get what I want”?? I usually get,20-50 dollars of cookbooks,each trip.I should have kept the secret,since its sorta a little quite time for me,but there are some fine female cooks,that deserve”Hay,Honey want to go with me”??
kgsoutherncomfort says
If we go together, I try to find the garden center or home decorating area so he can look as long as he wants. You should have been there the day he shopped for chainsaws (3 different stores). Then again, he has been known to have to follow my daughter and I through the mall as we shop for shoes and clothes.
Katrina says
Uuggh! I’m lucky in that my husband hates shopping (except online). He’s the get it and get it type.
You go girl, put down your foot. Don’t do it again. I believe in you! Do it for the boys. 😉
nina says
I know the feeling…I have learned not to say “yes, I’ll go with!” anymore!!!
Asthmagirl says
I don’t mind going as long as we have a plan… i.e. we’re there to get replacement elbows for the drip irrigation. I do not want to spend 45 minutes in the nuts, bolts and screws aisle comtemplating my humanity. Fortunately TOG is reasonably good about getting out in a timely fashion.
RobinSue says
I like the mom and pop places much better, some cool things in there!
Mental P Mama says
LOL….It could be worse. Couldn’t it?
Stacy says
Ahhhhhhh, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, but only because what you describe is usually me at bed, bath and beyond! 🙂
Suzette says
Oh, hunny! I am so envious of you for having men in your life who drag you to hardware stores! I can only dream of such masculine pastimes. Maybe someday….SIGH….
Fencepost says
The best laid plans are born in places like these. My husband could camp out in there.
Auds at Barking Mad says
I hate hardware stores with a passion. This is one of the reasons I abhor Sears, to this day. Whilst not solely a hardware store, my dad was a die-hard Craftsman dude and he would drag me along while he spent HOURS upon HOURS in the hardware and tool section.
I can’t even stand the SMELL of Sears because I know that just lurking around the corner from the bedding is the dreaded tool and hardware section. *gag*
Jenny says
It’s called payback for sometime you may have taken him shopping and needed a blouse, oh, a scarf would go great with this….wow, look at these skirts, how pretty….well now I need shoes to complete this outfit…come to think of it…my purse is worn out as well….LOL.
Laura says
I think I started to feel a headache coming on as soon as you talked about the big store.
HATE IT.
annbb says
Well, at least until next time!
elra says
Sounds like J dragging me to the hardware store. He also likes to say, it’s going to be quick, only take a minute, etc. Never happen!!!!!
Cassie says
Yaaa, I wait in the car and read a magazine and listen to music. I hate that place!
Halszka says
hahaha
i love reading you!
you’re hilarious!
thanks for sharing your amusing view of the world with us, and those pictures of food! they just drive me mad!
makes me want to try everything @[email protected]
cheers to you!
Bob says
Heh, that sounds familiar, only replace hardware store with the mall and your husband with all the girls I’ve ever known who I’ve liked enough to sucker me into going with them. I feel for you. 🙂
Mary Beth says
I am exactly the opposite. Put me in the middle of one of those stores and I can amuse myself indefinitely. I have spent many an hour dreaming of all the things I could make with the tools and the lumber – jeez, I love the smell of wood!
ntsc says
Hardware stores are neat places. Could never have done this work: http://blog.charcuteire.com/2009/06/30/379-8th-st-brooklyn-ny-19781996.aspx without one.
Margi in Ky says
I’m with your husband. I love those stores and being with DH. He also lets me lose in kitchen gadgets and never looks at his watch. But we really enjoy ourselves together.
dawn says
Just like you, I don’t mind going as long as it doesn’t turn into a marathon which somehow it does. Why do we have t look at everything for every project we are going to accomplish in the next 20 years in one trip. It’s not necessary and is unfair to those who tag along.
giz says
This is sounding vaguely familiar to many men’s views of “what is it about food that’s so damned interesting…my eyes are getting glazed over just hearing about it”
Linda Powers says
hmmm. i just wonder. did your hubs go shoe shopping with you???
June says
Oh, great post. Boy, I laughed at this one. How many smiling women do you ever see with their guys in these places? Not many. A great weekend at our place is when the big guy only has to go back to HD 3 or 4 times to finish one job. It’s funny though, when I go with him we’re in and out in no time – no way is he checking out the new appliances! He sweats buckets when I pull out a notepad. Ha.
Biz says
Hs! I can totally relate – however since my husbands’ latest knee surgery, it is just in an in and out trip – for now!
Happy Sunday!
Noble Pig says
Linda-
I don’t mind going to the hardware store, I mind the three hour marathon when we only went for one thing.
On the rare occasion he does go shopping with me I don’t marathon. I have a very keen idea of what I want and can decide very quickly if they have it or not. I don’t look for hours. We try it on (if it’s clothes or shoes) and we’re out of there.
that girl down south says
I love the big home stores. I look at all the options for remodeling and really dork out in the appliances and paint sections. Usually its the hubby who gets that glazed over look.
Pam says
I feel your pain. I usually just go into the garden department and hang out until he’s ready.
Marjie says
Of course you’re not going back. Until the next time the Wild Boar and Hooligns drag you there.
I too love “Ace is the place”. Ours is about a hundred years old, and just the feel of the uneven floorboards makes me happy.
Abby says
Ahh, well my husband owns a construction company so not only does he look at the stuff, he buys it! If any of our friends need anything they don’t have to go to the store, they just call my husband.
Marcy says
/snort – holy hell screw aisle – I know exactly what you mean – I don’t relish the thought of looking at every freaking ceiling fan and faucet ever made either – let alone the individual nuts and bolts that hold the darn thing together.lmao
Cyndi J says
That is the key to a successful marriage! My husband & I have that same agreement. Home Depot makes me want to find the razor-blade aisle! Then again, shopping in general does that!
Karen Deborah says
I can sympathize but ROFLMAO
Melynda says
I am a slow learner, but I have finally learned I don’t want to go with him and I don’t want him to go with me. Why? Because I have leaned to look. I have never been a big shopper. But I look more now and I think the same is true with him. So if we each go alone, all is peaceful in the world.
SweetPeaSurry says
HAH, I read the first comment from Harry who said “Oh I see the problem, you married a man!” It took me a while to compose myself after that. I actually LOVE LOVE LOVE browsing through the hardware store. I love thinking about all the home improvement stuff I could be doing, if I actually owned a home. HAH!
blessings and good luck next trip!
Kate says
He should know he’s really irritating the rest of the family. Someone needs to fill him in.
Cheryl says
Hardware. Bleeeeh. Only part I like is the wall of paint chips/samples.
Bolts, nuts, screws? No Ma’am. You’re a better woman than I (on so many counts)!
Bunny says
Oh yes, Lowes the Man Store! If that isn’t bad enough my hubby is a talker, he’ll stand and talk to the sales person about whatever it is he’s there for. I have to keep inching my way towards the door….come on honey.
gfe--gluten free easily says
Our equivalent of this experience is the scuba diving shop. OMG … I have spent many hours there.
The small hardware stores we both like, but we both pretty much want to get out of the big box home improvement stores as quickly as possible.
Shirley
pam says
For the sake of our marriage, I do not ever go with my husband to the hardware store. EVER.
Danielle says
ROTFLMAO!!! The holy hell screw aisle? Oh that is rich! I don’t go. My hubs takes the boys and can make a day of it, but not me. Well, he won’t let me go anymore because I never leave the paint aisle and inevitably he ends up with another project.
dawn says
Simple but genius. I absolutely love this idea. Egg salad will no longer be an occasional meal but a regular. Thanks for sharing this and your photography is beautiful.
Rachel SdOC says
I hate mega stores like that. I feel so lost in them. I feel like I need a car to drive around and a map to navigate.
My husband is not the handyman type, so I luck out there, but we did go through many excruciating hours in these types of places when we did our kitchen and bathroom renovations.
Sarah says
I feel your pain! I usually try to escape to the garden section or the door aisle, it has always made me laugh to see a bunch of doors laying on their sides, just chilling out. But usually, the men in my life drag me around, convince me of something I absolutely need, and the next thing I know I’m installing curtain rods or staining wood. What is with men and those hardware stores! Some of them even have chairs for tired taggers-on (hostages) who just can’t take it anymore.
imom says
I always go prepared with a book and go wait in the car when I’ve hit my limit! Luckily my kids are old enough to stay home and believe me they never voluntarily go with us on a trip to one of those stores!
Lisa says
We hardly ever do that anymore. They built an enormous Home Depot near our house and now we just go on our own, though you can always double my husband’s estimate of how long it will take him to get home.
Beyond Alice says
I refuse to go to the hardware store unless I need something from there myself. Ugh.
Donalyn says
We have Lowes and Home Depot here and I love them both. They both have big garden sections for one thing, and I can be happy for a long time in a garden section. Then there’s lighting, storage, appliances, paint supplies, doo-dads of every description. My husband can go and look at all the nuts and bolts he likes, so long as I can go look at MY stuff 🙂
Steph says
I can’t stand going to the Home Depot with my dad either.. and it smells weird in there. I think it’s the same for him when he goes grocery shopping or to the mall with me and my mom. At least they have benches in the mall…hahaha
Kayola says
You crack me up!!!!!! This is the personality I fell in love with when I started reading your blog many moons ago…something about the wild boar and you were out shopping and there was a messy diaper or something…but it was funny as heck!!!! I love Home Depot…so I am the wierd one…..I wish my hubby did…..more projects would get done…hahahaha