Even though it’s hard to admit, I am a frightfully-obsessed-Halloween-absorbed-lunatic. I swear I am.
An. Obsessed. Nut. And that’s putting it lightly.
My cooki-ness all starts about this time of year too. I eagerly start watching the store shelves looking for any signs of the newest and coolest decorations or candies that might be available. Nothing says Halloween like a hot August day. Right?
By September 1st I have usually stockpiled things like caramel treats, Vampire wine, Hershey’s grab bags, candy corn, plastic pumpkins and new Halloween blinking lights and skeletons. You name it, if it’s cute, scary, ugly or funny, I’ll buy it. I have absolutely no control over myself.
Last year I came across Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown Halloween Fruit Snacks and you would have thought I hit the lottery. On the box Charlie Brown was a pirate, Sally was a ballerina, Lucy a wizard and Linus a cowboy with Snoopy laying in the middle of pumpkin patch. So cute and brought back so many memories. My kids could have cared less.
Not surprisingly my favorite color is orange. I don’t know what came first, my love of that color or my love of Halloween. Did one cause the other?
I have thrown Halloween parties that have taken thirty days to decorate for and a week to clean up. I’ve had adult parties one night and kid’s parties the next day. That almost killed me.
I’ve had elaborate creepy suppers serving witches fingers, bat wings, dried cherry scabs, brain spreads, puss pockets, suicide ribs, kitty litter cakes and casseroles and maggot stews; the grosser the better.
I have enough life-sized skeletons, black crows, spiders, owls, vultures, bats and rats to scare the bee-jee-sus out of anyone.
It doesn’t stop there. I have chains, tombstones, more candelabrums than you COULD EVER think is normal for any one person to own, fog machines and cauldrons. I also collect wooden witches, ugly and cute ones.
I spend days and days making Halloween treats for my kids classes. Last year I collected sticks to make little broomsticks with candy inside for forty kids. I loved it!
Halloween takes over most of my garage.
I have enough Halloween crap to decorate several houses on my street.
However, this year the Wild Boar has banned me from buying anything Halloween related. And rightfully so, I don’t need anything else. But he doesn’t understand it’s not that said and done for a Halloween-crazed-freak-like-me.
And here’s the thing, every August, the Halloween catalogs start arriving in the mailbox in massive proportions. I robotically and mindlessly start ordering crap because I love every witch and ghoul I come across.
However, this year was going to be different. I was not going to buy anything. I agreed, I didn’t need anything else.
But there’s one problem. I caved. Not only did I cave, I went berserk.
I went to the mailbox and there were at least three catalogs covered in the mania that is Halloween consumerism. Pumpkins and spiders and mummies graced the covers.
I tried to throw them away. I really tried.
But before I knew it, I had dog-earred many pages and I was adding items to my virtual shopping cart.
Metal jack-o-lanterns, hanging ghouls, ghastly ghosts, grim gargoyles, spider luminaries, skull wreaths, rusty chains, Halloween crafts, cobweb lanterns, frightening tableware and witches brooms had all been placed in the basket.
And you know what I did?
I bought it!
Gasp! You have no idea how much trouble I’m in. NO IDEA!
When the Wild Boar reads this, and he eventually will…
I. AM. SO. BUSTED.