Yesterday I answered the phone and it was my mother-in-law…
MIL: (Talk slowly and insert very thick-old lady-Romanian accent here, very thick) Cat-tee?
Me: Hi Ma.
MIL: How are the cheeld-ren?
Me: Great Ma, how are you?
MIL: Aye’m goood.
Me: Ma, I can’t talk because I’m leaving to go get a manicure and pedicure right now.
MIL: Why? Splain me why you go.
Me: Cause I always do, it’s something I do.
MIL: No. You no go.
Me: What? Why?
MIL: You shuld neh-vir git fingirnails and toenails cut on same day.
MIL: The only time you git fingirnails and toenails cut same day is when they prepare body for funeral.
Me: Oh stop.
MIL: No. You no go. Cheeld-ren need muddar. Don’t go. Or just git toenails cut today not fingirnails too.
Me: Ma, I don’t have time to go back two days in a row.
MIL: No, tell me you no go.
Me: Okay, I won’t go. But I have to get off the phone.
MIL: Okay, Bye. Have good rist of day.
Okay I still went, I know, but when I got there the salon was so busy I couldn’t wait. Maybe she knew something.
Anyway, I love this woman, but she is SOOOOOOO superstitious! She is this tiny little lady from the old country who lives in Beverly Hills. She is as sweet as pie, never interferes and normally minds her own business.
She is eighty-one years old and was put in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany at the age of sixteen. She stole food from the German soldiers to stay alive. Her whole family, parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles were all killed in Auschwitz. She was spared because she was strong enough to work in a factory for the German war effort. She has seen horrors that are unspeakable.
But, the superstitions are over-the-top. They’re kind of entertaining really.
One day I was telling her I lost my wallet and she said, “Oh somevone geeve you Ee-veel Eye”. What? “You lost wallet cause you git Ee-veel Eye from somevone. Eet’s a curse, da Ee-veel Eye. This why ba’hd tings happened. Ee-veel Eye curse made you looze wallet.”
Yes she believes in the “real” Evil Eye….Mkay?
She also won’t let you step over someone if they are laying on the floor. She Freeeeeaaaks OUT! She says, “You ohn-lee steep over bodee in dee griveyard…you steep over bodee in dee house you sind them to griveyard.”
We are also not allowed to sing in the morning but I can’t remember why. But all the tra-la-la’s have to be withheld until afternoon when she’s around.
But my favorite is when she calls on New’s Year’s Eve to wish us a Happy New Year but most importantly reminds us, “Don’t forgit tooo-morrow on New Yirz Day not to use any see-zors. Don’t let the cheeld-ren cut papir tooo-morrow. If you use see-zors on New Yirz Day you cut away all good fortune for the yir.”