What Would Seinfeld Do?

Someone left a message on my answering machine yesterday.

Someone I have not talked to in a long time.  (Maybe five and a half years.)

Someone who would have gotten my current phone number from someone else. We were no longer talking when I moved to Northern California. 

We were good friends back in So Cal.  We had a lot of things in common.  Eventually we started doing things together as couples. 

We went to the movies, baseball games, and had barbeque’s at each others homes.  We really spent a lot of time together.  Mostly we just enjoyed each other’s company.

However, there was a problem.

Everytime we went to a restaurant with this couple (and it was often) they returned their food to the kitchen because they claimed something was wrong with it.  EVERYTIME.  Without exception.

The food was too cold, too medium instead of medium-well, it was spoiled, the color was off, the meat was too fatty or gristly, the fish was too fishy.  Anything you can imagine, they used as an excuse.

Like clockwork all the food from the kitchen was delivered to the table.  Within two to three bites either the husband or the wife found something wrong with their food and sent it back with some sort of complaint. 

Since we all got our food at the same time, when someone’s food was taken away, the Wild Boar and I no longer felt comfortable eating our dinner and would put our forks down to wait for the food’s return. 

Of course this couple demanded we keep eating but it was too awkward.  By the time their food returned our food was cold.

This happened over and over regardless of how upscale the restaurant was.  Coincidentally, they would always ask for a comp from the restaurant even though the food problem was always corrected.  Most of the time they got it.

The plan was to always share the bill fifty – fifty, but when the check would come, they would claim their meal was free and did not need to chip in their portion.  Of course they had somehow forgotten they had also ordered alcohol, appetizers and dessert.  Since their entrée was comped, they did not see it fit to pay for any other part of the meal.  They would, however, be grandiose and leave the whole tip.  Hmmm.

It was not about the money, this couple was financially comfortable.  They lived an extravagant lifestyle so to call them cheap would just not be realistic.

Weirdly enough, their strange behavior would begin the minute we sat down at the table.  They would start inspecting the flatware and glasses and if there were any spots or specs on them they would have them replaced.  So right away the server was bombarded with an uncomfortable vibe.

This couple would do this even if they were with a group of eight people.  So basically six people would sit staring at their newly delivered food.  Everyone would stop eating and this uncomfortable feeling would settle in.

It’s funny too because at first we didn’t dwell on this as a problem because we liked them so much.  Unfortunately it’s one of those behaviors that starts to wear on you.

After one final dinner the Wild Boar told me he NEVER wanted to go out to dinner with these people again.  NEVER.  He couldn’t stand it anymore.  I didn’t blame him.

However, being the woman, it fell upon me to schedule the social gatherings.  This woman and I were good friends so we always made plans together with our families.  But now dinners, according to the Wild Boar, were off the table in our repertoire with them.

We tried to fill in with other activities but we lived in the restaurant mecca of the world.  There was always somewhere fabulous to go and eat.  This woman pressed me hard to go to restaurants and I just kept inviting them over for dinner instead.  The Wild Boar would not go out with these people and I could no longer find good excuses to put them off.

After a while the woman confronted me as to why we never went out to restaurants anymore.  She pressed and pressed and finally I just told her why.  I told her we thought their behavior, when it came to restaurant dining, was bizarre.  I explained to her how uncomfortable we felt when they sent their food back EVERY SINGLE TIME and then ignored the rest of their bill.  Blatant honesty.

Her response to me was that WE were being completely petty.  That WE were the selfish ones and how dare I call their behavior bizarre.  She was yelling very loudly when she told me this stuff.  She was pissed.  She slammed the phone down on me and never called again.  Whatever.  Shortly after this explosion we moved away.

Her ranting confirmed to me how crazy they were.  It was weird.  This was a professional couple who held down very good jobs where craziness would never be tolerated or accepted.

So out of the blue, she called me yesterday and left a message to return her call.

The problem is, I don’t want to call her back.  I feel that relationship is in the past and I would like to keep it there.

I’m not sure how she got my phone number but I guess it’s a moot point.

Was it wrong of me to finally tell her the truth as to why we were no longer going out?  In the beginning I was trying to spare their feelings but maybe that was a bad idea.  However, I’m sure things would have turned out the same regardless of when or how I told her. 

Do I have to call this woman back?  Rehashing all this with her seems worthless to me.  

I’m sure if this were Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm we would still be dysfunctional friends. 

Post a Comment


  1. Susie 1

    I think telling them the truth was the right thing to do especially because she insisted upon it. Sometimes the truth DOES hurt.
    As for calling her back, that starts up the relationship again. Is that what you want? If so, call her. If not, just ignore the call. Sounds like your life is quite full without this friendship! Good luck and let us know what you decide.

  2. Hmm, maybe she’s calling to tell you that she and the husband are divorced and she finally realized what a pain in the ass they had been to restauranteurs (and friends) all over Southern California?

    I’d probably return the call, but keep it short and be sure to be noncommittal at best about making any plans if they are going to be in your area.

  3. cassie o 3

    as a server … what a nightmare!!

    and as for returning the phone call – i’d wait for her to call again. if it’s something you need to know, she’ll be sure to call back

    there’s no need to add unnecessary drama to your life

  4. Sandy 4

    I’m with Cassie. Ignore the phone call. If it’s important she’ll call you back. If she does call back and asks you why you never returned her call, tell her you didn’t get the message.

  5. Molly 5

    Wow, my mother-in-laws boyfirend is somewhat like this, and I hate to go out with them. I do not wait on him to eat; however, I am just that selfish.

    But still, the feeling of dissatisfaction ruins the whole pleasant experience of dining out. I would not have been able to handle it either. I was wondering if you think it was actually planned, or did they do this behavior unconsciously? Some people do this just to feel that their tastes are somehow superior than the rest of us, so they must compulsively complain.

    Either way, I think you were totally in the right to tell the truth. If she wanted to end the relationship over that, that’s her deal. However, since she is the one who ended the relationship, it is also up to her to renew it, so her reaching out to you now is interesting. Even if you don’t want to renew the friendship, I think calling her back and hearing what she has to say is worth it. I wouldn’t even bring up the past unless she does. She may be calling to tell you that they realized that you had been absolutely right. Maybe she’s now going to AA meetings and has to apologize to all the people whom she has wronged, lol.

    I do not mean to sound at all judgmental here, and I can totally understand not wanting to talk to her…It just seems to me that to this point, you have been the bigger person in this relationship. Calling her back also seems like the bigger person thing to do.

    Of course, the main reason I want you to call her back is so that you can tell us all what happened next. I would love to hear what you decide to do and how it turns out.

  6. Rachel 6

    I would call her and keep it short/non-committal. I find that if we don’t deal with these things, they somehow keep coming back. (i.e., you are seated next to her at a resturant in the future…hopefully, one with big menus to hide behind) :)

  7. rachel 7

    Bizarre and obnoxious behavior to be sure.
    I wonder if she got so mad at you because she saw the truth in what you said? It’s hard to believe they could be so blind.
    It’s interesting that she’s reaching out 5 years later. I would call her back just to see why, my curiosity would drive me insane if I didn’t.
    5 Years can do a lot to people.

    I don’t see that you really have much to lose… you’ve already adjusted to life without her, do you know what I mean?

  8. Howdy 8

    The thought that came to mind for me was that maybe the person who gave her your number gave her your blog address too…. :)
    Return the call to see what she wants – if she suggests renewing the relationship you can just take a pass and tell her you are just too busy now with the kids, activities, the wine business, etc.
    Hopefully she still lives in So Cal. and gas prices being what they are… you won’t have company.

  9. Shirley 9

    Wow, that’s a tale. I am surprised you hung on as long as you did with them years ago. Trust your gut. If the thought of speaking to her again makes you feel so badly, I would not call her back. If she calls again, perhaps she will leave more of a message, and you can decide then if you feel more compelled to call her. Yes, people can change as others mentioned, but even if she/they have changed in some way, I still doubt you’d want to resume any type of relationship. Again, trust your gut.

  10. Philly 10

    I’m sure there have been many a server that has spit in their food !!

  11. Fran 11

    Wow. I would wait to see if she called you back. You know……..life is too short to have to put up with friends like this.

  12. Harmony 12

    I don’t think it was wrong of you to finally told her the truth…I mean she did press for it and all. You are right I don’t think it would have matter when or how you told her, she would have reacted the same way. Not sure about the phone call…maybe she feels bad, who knows. I’m with Cassie on this one…wait for another call, you are a busy girl…I’m sure she will understand.

  13. Obviously, those folks need consoling pretty bad for this issue. Or, they need to open their own restaurant and eat there.

    I would wait for her to call back. And if she does call, your decision of where to go from there…

    And if she is calling to invite you to go out to dinner, SLAM THAT PHONE DOWN SO HARD THAT THE IMPACT ON THE OTHER END WILL KNOCK HER ON HER BUTT!!!

  14. Kiki 14

    When you stopped hanging out did you miss them? There doesn’t seem to be a void in your life because they are gone, they probably are going to be in your area on a trip and want to go out to dinner :\
    Life has enough angst with out inviting it back in, if you really miss the friend (other than the freaky dinner thing) then call, if they aren’t worth the energy and anxiety, let it rest. It is a tough decision, but it sounds like you already made it.

  15. First – you were right to tell her the truth since she asked.

    Is it always right to tell the truth? -got me on that one…I want to hear it but I’m not sure that it is helpful on every occasion. However, I would not outright lie – more like omit…

    Now – I don’t think there is a wrong thing to do but probably returning the call, hearing what she has to say and then politely putting the nix on any further communication will close things for you.

  16. I meant to add to that last comment, if you are using your cell phone when she asks you to go out to eat, then please proceed on a different course of action, like turn the TV on full blast and then set the phone next to it, and go have a cup of coffee… (LOL)

  17. Brooke in WI 17

    I agree with the suggestion of ignoring the call and if it’s that important, she’ll call back. You have more grace than I. I would not of put up with that kind of nonsense very long.

  18. Wow… sending the food back would be odd enough, but ducking the bill on top of it. That’s really odd behavior.

    That must have been really hard for you to tell them the truth, even though she pressed you for it. It’s always easier to omit and avoid… I likely would have told her in the end, just as you did. And there’s no way you can be responsible for her reaction, although you’re right in saying it kind of took them beyone ectentric and into bizarre.

    I would not call her back. If it’s so important she will call you back. If not, it sounds like drama that you can easily live without.

  19. Elle 19

    I’m on Cassie’s camp–ignore the call, and if it’s terribly important, she’ll call you back.

    If you want to be happy in life, you need to surround yourself with people that make you happy and cut out the ones that drag you down. (if possible.)

  20. sandy 20

    Yes, call her back. You said you were all good friends for so long…so she lost her cool, in her embarrassment. Deep down inside you know, SHE KNOWS you were right. Maybe there is a health issue or something and she really needs a friend right now.

  21. This post made me laugh a little because the last Seinfeld episode I watched was the one where George decides to be completely honest with some girl he’s dating (and who is reviewing Jerry’s tax info.) and she goes off the deep end and checks herself into a mental institution. Jerry and Elaine then tell him how wrong he was to be honest and there’s a little side story with Elaine’s roomate who is dating Kramer. Elaine decides not to be honest and is rewarded. Such things work on sitcoms. I think you did the right thing, as uncomfortable as that must have been for you. I would not want to resume the relationship or communicate with her ever again. This is why I no longer have an answering machine. I feel too obligated to call people back. (And yes, there is one individual who prompted that decision.)

  22. krysta 22

    Sous chef number one’s dad and step mom are like that. Very pleasant people but in a resturaunt, they become very controlling and demanding. When I first read your post I thought you were talking about them. It’s to the point sous chef number one tries at all costs to avoid eating out with her own dad and step mom because she’s so embarrassed! Does she really want to rehash things or is she coming up to visit? Maybe she found out you have a blog or maybe she wants to touch base.Personally I wouldn’t call, why open myself up to that again.

  23. annbb 23

    Life is WAY too short! The past is past and should stay that way.

    I wonder if they’ve been banned from some restaurants…maybe you should return her phone call so you can get the answer to this pressing (at least for me) question!

  24. I hate it when people return their food, don’t they know that when you return food, it usually gets spit on? Yes, I worked at a restaurant. I would only call her if you enjoy her company and want to catch up, butdon’t go to dinner with them. Just go to a bar or something

  25. if you return that call you are just asking to be sucked in to the vortex of her craziness.

    if it was important she could have stated why she was calling.

    if you return her call, you are merely asking for drama.

    the restaurant behaviour is a reflection on who they really are. as maya angelou said “when someone tries to show you who they are, and they will… BELIEVE THEM”

  26. Kimberly 26

    This is where my curiousity gets the best of me. I would love to hear what she has to say, but I don’t think I would want to rekindle the friendship. However, hats of you and Wild Boar, because I would have said something a long time ago and it probadly would have been at dinner. :)

  27. Carol 27

    Wow- what a couple of psychotics! After 5 years, she is either sharing news, or is wanting to be social again, and perhaps will apologize, maybe even thank you for pointing our her and the husbands bizarre and selfish behavior. Don’t accept any invitations, and once again be honest in telling her why.

  28. HoneyB 28

    Wow, it’s too bad you had that situation! I think you were right to tell her though – especially since she asked. Its not your fault that she didn’t handle hearing it well. I really feel for you and the Wild Boar (and any of your other friends) that had to put up with that behaviour while dining out!

    As for her phone call, I agree with some others that I would return her call, but I would not commit to anything again.

  29. Natty 29

    I have a policy that life is too short for meaningless drama. If you think reconnecting with her will bring it, I’d leave it alone.

    I’d probably snoop around and see from other friend’s what’s going on with her (maybe she’s in AA now or becoming a nun or changed her name to Diomondique and is dancing in Vegas and has comps for you!) and maybe call her back.

    I’d probably leave this one alone though.

  30. Wow. I’m amazed you stuck it out as long as you did.

    If somebody leaves a generic message, and doesn’t say what it’s about, you are under no obligation to return that message. Life is busy. That’s why we have answering machines.

    Now, to contradict what I just said, once a casual acquaintance, a woman I’d met who’d just moved to the area, called me and all she said was “please call me back.” I didn’t, but I saw her a few days later. She’d had a miscarriage. I felt terrible. I wish I’d been there for her.

    So would news of cancer or family crisis cause you to renew your relationship with this person? If so, call back.

  31. She did ask, and she was told the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts.

  32. giz 32

    I guess the clue is the reaction you received when you gave her your feedback. That strong of a reaction tells you they have no intention of taking any responsibility for their own behaviour or even a willingness to look at it.

    The real question is – do you really need people like this in your life? I’m totally with the Wild Boar – who needs the BS.

  33. Kudos to you for being honest with her AND trying to spare her feelings. I think you did the right thing. She didn’t handle it well, and then she yelled at you, which was merely projection on her part (if you ask me).

    As for returning her call? Personally, I would, because not knowing why she called after all these years would eat me alive. But, that’s just me! I’d call her back, resolve the mystery and then decide on the fly how to respond to her, depending on what the reality of the situation is.

    Good luck, with whatever you decide!

  34. leslie 34

    If you cannot confront your “friends” with this, they were not your friends afterall! They sound like they get a power trip off of the whole thing. These are the type of people that I would personally never socially choose to associate myself with. Pople like that are just smug individuals that have nothing better to do than make others aound them unhappy! DONT return the call! But that is how I would handle it.

  35. You may have already resolved this, as I am a bit behind in my reading. (an electrical storm blew out our router).

    I would not call back. IF she wants to speak to you bad enough she will try again. (They seem like such moochers, I would be surprised if they were coming north and wanted to stay with you to avoid a hotel!)

    Remember: Don’t waste your breath trying to reason with an unreasonable person.

  36. No way, no how, do not call this lunatic back. I agree with Claudia…calling her back is just going to suck you back into the vortex of her craziness, and it’s not worth it.

  37. Daisy 37

    Can’t agree more – people who have good reasons for calling usually state them on an answering machine. Especially someone who has had a “falling out.” She should know better than to be vague after the way you guys left thigns. Danger. Drama coming. I would not be curious in the slightest.

    Kudos for the honesty. With my good friends, I’m always honest. With acquaintances, I omit and avoid. Good friends always appreciate the effort that goes into honest (and if not, they’re not good friends).

  38. grace 38

    i think we all know what jerry seinfeld would do. he’d bring dear, dear kramer out to eat with the culprits and let the man bluntly put ’em in their places. good ol’ cosmo. :)

  39. Very Seinfeldesque! My first instinct was to not call back–but I’m too intrigued! You must call her back! You also might want to contact Larry David–this would be great material for next season!

  40. Thank you, thank you, for telling them the truth. They needed to hear it, and who else would tell them but a friend.

    Extravagant and cheap are not mutually exclusive. My sister used to nanny for a wealthy couple who would spend lots of money on themselves, but make the children put their half-eaten bowls of cereal in the fridge to eat for breakfast the next day. Ew.

    It has been so long, I would return the call. People change sometimes.

  41. Stephanie 41

    I say don’t worry about the call. If you don’t want to reinvest in the relationship, then don’t. I think that’s part of why I’ve lived so many places. I can “lose” phone numbers with a great excuse.

  42. Right or wrong then no longer matters.
    The question is should you call her back.
    I would say yes or you will forever wonder why she called.

  43. Flea 43

    I’m with all those who say she’ll call back if it’s important. But I think you know, down deep, what to do. Sounds like, from your story, you really were done with this couple. If she went to all that trouble to hunt you down, she’ll do it again if she NEEDS to talk to you.

  44. Tipper 44

    Life is to short-If you don’t want to call her back don’t.

    It is kinda funny to think about what Seinfield would call the couple.

  45. wow. Maybe they have money because they are cheap. I think you were very patient. They would not have ruined my meal more than a couple of times. Do not interfere with my food! Cheap is as cheap does.
    You were right to be honest, she got mad because you were. You could call if you are curious, and just say you are not interested in getting together but wish them well. Or she can call you again, or you can ignore the whole thing. See I’m curious I would wonder why she called after all this time?
    BUT curiosity did kill the cat.
    You were very nice to have them to your home as an alternative. Dining out is about relaxing and enjoying, they missed the boat entirely since it seems their goal was a free plate every time.
    What a drag. Wild horses couldn’t drag me back into that one, at least the dining part.

  46. I love that you were just blatantly honest. The fact that she was unable to handle the situation like a big girl demonstrates that she may not be someone that you want a continued friendship with.

    I say ignore the call. You’re busy, it didn’t “end” well.

    Unless she calls you again and indicates it is something urgent (or something)…

    I have let things die this way – by not returning calls – and I do not feel guilty about it. Selfish? Maybe. But at the end of the day, I don’t need or want anymore stress.

  47. Don’t Call Her Back!
    I know her. Or someone just like her. Shudder.

  48. I can just hear Seinfeld now, “What is it with people who always return their food at a restaurant? If the food they eat at restaurants is never good, why don’t they just stay home?”

    I guess there’s the issue of curiousity – what does she want? But whatever it is, do you really want to know? If she’s visiting your area, do you want to meet up? If someone close to her is sick or dieing, do you want to be a support to her? I guess the answers to those questions will give you an idea whether you should call her back.

  49. I’d be curious and call her back… if I didn’t have something else to do. You don’thave to call her back. Was she worth having as a friend? I want to know if she critiqued the dinners at your house. :)

  50. You probably shouldN’T call her back. But aren’t you curious why she decided to look you up and reach out you now?

    Tough one. I’d call just to make sure it was nothing serious. And if she is simply looking to reconcile the relationship I would explain that the problem that first led to your “breakup” would likely resurface and reconciling at this time does not make sense to you.

    Of course you can avoid the whole potential messy situation by not calling her back. I’m sure she partly expects not to hear back from you.

    BEST & good luck!

  51. We have friends like that…we’ve been out to eat with them twice, both times we had very adequate service and mine and my husbands food was fine. They complained the whole meal and didn’t even bother to leave a tip for the waitress…I was mortified and totally embarrassed…

    We won’t go out to eat with them anymore! Though we haven’t had to have a confrontation about it..honestly we lie around dinner…we eat somewhere then meet them to do other stuff. Thankfully it’s worked so far.

    If you really want to know why she called and you are interested I’d call her back.

    If you are only considering calling her back because it’s the right thing to do..I wouldn’t she sounds like a fruit loop.

  52. Kathy from NJ 52

    You showed considerable restraint in not telling her about the totally obnoxious, arrogant & cheap behavior until pressed, I might have told her after the third time.

    I would probably call her just out of curiosity (if you don’t want to, you can send me her number and I’ll do it for you). We all need to hear the follow up to this post.

  53. I don’t think you were wrong to tell her the truth about why you guys didn’t want to socialize over dinner, and while I would like to say I would have tried to not call the behavior “bizarre” to her face, I am not that disciplined.

    Although, secretly I wish in the vein of Seinfeld you would call her back. It would probably make for a good story if nothing else.

    In reality, you probably should let sleeping dogs lie.

  54. jancd 54

    I would not call this nut job back. She is crazy.

    I agree that she will call back if it is that important.

    If she does call back and acts like everything is just peachy, oh, forget it. Do not call her back. She is crazy.

  55. If you don’t want to call her back, don’t. Go with your gut on this one.

  56. Sassy 56

    If you are not interested in starting up the friendship, and the wild boar difinately is not, it seems in your best interest to ignore the call.

  57. Lori 57

    I’m with those saying to ignore the call. Life is too short to associate with people who have treated you that way.

  58. Monkee 58

    Hello, the truth always hurts doesn’t it? I guess one shouldn’t be so ready to ask when they aren’t ready to receive.

    I’d agree with Cynthia. Perhaps she’s divorced and ready to explain why they did what they did.

    If they were once good friends it’s worth to return a phone call – even if they didn’t have good table manners. She did take the trouble to ‘track you down’. :)
    Good luck.

  59. sharon 59

    I suppose out of sheer curiosity I’d return the phone call. There must be something that inspired her to call you after 5 1/2 years…what is it?!

    Perhaps she’s been spurned by other friends for the same reasons, she wants to atone for her quirky behavior…

    Good luck!!

  60. Ugh. I don’t think I’d call back. Or…call back, but don’t get together if that’s what it’s about.

    Also…I think Seinfeld would bake them in brownies to conceal the taste ;)

  61. Jules 61

    I think that being honest with her was the way to go. Her craziness really showed itself, as you stated, with her reaction to the honesty. I wouldn’t call her back. Did she say anything as to what it was in reference to, or just to call back?

  62. Liz C. 62

    I’m afraid Mr. Snooty & I would have burst into laughter every time they did it & confront them then & there. What are you 2 nuts doing? Okay, well… WHY? Don’t you know that even in the finest restaurants you can piss off the wrong person and wind up with a loogie in your food?

    Seinfeld would have tolerated them for a while and finally would say “You know, I can’t do this any more. I can’t be friends with someone that does this. It’s like dating a girl with man hands.”

  63. Dawn 63

    You were 100% right to tell her.

    I personally wouldn’t call her back. Starting up with this weird couple again would not be on my list of things to do!

    Wow…strange peeps!

  64. I’ve come across people like that from tim to time and it isn’t fun to be around them. You did the right thing by being honest. I’m surprised you were able to put up with them as long as you did! A very wise law professor once told me “Never ask a question, unless you’re sure you can handle the answer.” Obviously, your former friend could not.

    My logical side says to let it go and not call her back. But, curiosity would get the better of me and I’d be dying to know why she called after all this time.

  65. I’m sorry, but even Seinfeld writers couldn’t come up with the people you’ve had pass through your life– is this bizarre people week in Blog world and I missed the memo. Logically, I’d say ignore the message, but if it were me, I’d walk around feeling guilty and dreading future rings… She may be calling to clear things up– on your dime of course.

  66. melissa 66

    the majority here agrees. I definitely don’t think you were wrong to say something, I mean, for gawd’s sake. AS for returning her call, yeah, don’t do that either. You said it perfectly already – it was in the past and should remain there. Moving on and not looking back is more than acceptable.

  67. Cj 67

    Nah. Don’t call back. Life is too short to waste on toxic people.

  68. Jules 68

    Life is too short to waste it on obnoxious creatures…Run, Forrest, Run!

  69. so did you or didn’t you???

  70. Lara 70

    Wow, this is crazy on so many levels! I’m impressed you had the chutzpah to tell her the truth – you did nothing wrong in doing so. Am I too late to weigh in on what you should do here? Here are my thoughts, anyway. Personally, I hope you call her back (for selfish reasons – I’m curious to know what she wanted!). However, I think if you really don’t want to, it’s perfectly acceptable to ignore her message and not call her back – as long as you won’t feel guilty about it later.

  71. Geehaw! That is messed up! IF I was really good friends with that person, I probably wold have started making fun of them at some point while at the table. Oh here we go yup yup gonna send it back. WHAT A SURPRISE!! It is just so weird that BOTH of them did it. I’m glad you told them though. Makes ME feel better. And please don’t call them back. Unless you get an apology. No need to cast your pearls before swine.

  72. I would call just to see how she skirts around your last conversation. (I just get the feeling she would be like that!). From there you can say your hellos and be done with it, should you choose that the relationship is done as far as you are concerned.

  73. Kate 73

    I love how many comments you got on this one, Cathy! I haven’t been able to visit lately due to my internet woes, but this one takes the cake. I’d worry if she called back and would need to screen all my calls now. But I wouldn’t return the call. She was probably fun, and nice and all, but Cathy, she’s a freaking nut. To return food every single time is insane. And I think it was mighty good of you to attempt to explain it to her before she hung up on you. They’re nuts. You’ve got plenty of other sane friends. Maybe you could return her call and just tell her that? HA!

  74. i say call her back. just because it was the last thing you talked about doesn’t mean it will be the first topic when you talk again.
    the “restaurant” discussion might not ever come up. maybe she was thinking about you and realized she missed you as a friend.

    people do weird things. sometimes they realize it, sometimes they don’t accept it when you tell them, and sometimes they just want to move past it and be friends again.

  75. Peter 75

    Call back, be firm, confront and re-affirm the the friendship is over.

    Even the voice mail was painful…imagine her (them) back in your life?

  76. BTW, there are people like that who aim to get their bill comped no matter what or even careless about what others think of them and situation.In the past,I had banned a man and his family from a historic Inn I ran. He called me trying to get his bill (paid for his son’s graduation dinner)comped. It was a lot of money so I promised to investigate first. It turned out he did that before on his previous visits (long before my time there). Then I found out he usually do that to restaurants in the neighbor as I chatted with people at local restaurants when I ate there after work.

    So he basically banned from several establishments in three town nearby as well.

    I also once witnessed an incident in my favorite Japanese restaurant in Warwick, RI. Mr. Haruki, the owner had a knife on his hand behind sushi bar yelling and telling a biker who made a nasty scene and sent the dish back 3 times after he ate almost all but one last piece on the dish. He demanded a comped togo as well. He was told to leave or they would throw him out. As soon as he got up and walking out, all customers in the restaurant gave Mr. Haruki a standing ovasion and loud cheer. Nobody ever saw the man that mad because he is always calm, cool, and such the most likeable person… It was funny to see a 6 ft 5′ big man running out in a pale face..

    And that restaurant has still been voted the best in RI and still as popular as it first opened 20 years ago.

    Just sharing the story.

  77. Bev 77

    Reading this from your “top ten” list. I once had a friend hound me to come to her house so she could tell us about how to save on our taxes. When I finally told her that we’d come only if this was NOT going to be an Amway thing, she flew into a rage and told me I was trying to keep her from earning money to feed her family! It was years before I heard from her again.

  78. Betty McGinn 78

    First thing.
    Love your site lot’s.

    First,You were doing the right thing as I see it,Thing’s like that irritate me also,after it was your true feelings.
    And since you were uncomfortable in the situation,i would just keep it as is and don’t respond,she will get the messag.Once in a while everyone send’s food back for one reason or another,but every time ,that’s ridiculous.I say just let it be….Ps love your site,it’s the best Betty

    i think You should not give this friend


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