I’m feeling slightly patriotic today. Not really sure why.
Is filing and paying your tax return an American past-time that elicits feelings of red, white and blue giddiness? Are the verses of the star-spangled banner in the back of our minds as we stand in line at the post office to send our return by certified mail because our CPA has scared us to death into doing so?
If you are not from the United States, April 15th is the deadline for filing and paying your tax return for the previous year.
This pretty much means if the government owed you money you most likely filed your tax return a while ago.
For those of us who had to pay, there is a good chance your return was not sent until today. I mean, why pay early?
It’s even possible that you are still filling out your return as we speak and you plan to drop it off at a post office that is open till midnight. Even I did not succumb to that type of procrastination.
So, if I were getting a tax refund where money and practicality were not an issue, and eradicating world hunger and other social issues were not plausible, I would spend my tax refund in a completely irresponsible and childless way with only reckless abandonment as my guide.
Here’s how I would do it…
In one sitting, I would order every item on the Cheesecake Factory’s gi-mongo menu, finally figuring out what is my all-time favorite splurge. Right now I order Steak Diane every time I’m there. If you haven’t tried it, you must! Sounds indulgent but I really just want one bite of everything to get me out of my rut. What’s the big deal?
I would hire a blog assistant. One who would crop, size and upload all my photos, do investigative reporting as needed and keep my coffee cup full as I mindlessly surf the net reading all the wonderful blogs out there. I really like this one.
A masseuse would live at my home 24 hours a day. Someone who would rub my shoulders while I kill myself getting this blog out every day. This could be very useful.
Membership in as many ice cream and cheese of the month clubs as I could find. Umm, why not?
I would start a PURSE-OF-THE-MONTH-CLUB where every 30 days a new Coach, Burberry or Dooney & Burke bag would appear at your doorstep. Each purse would coincide perfectly with the season of its arrival. How fun would this be?
An endless supply of Jalapeno Poppers would inhabit my freezer; my quintessential white-trash indulgence.
I would break down and purchase that $300 bottle of Chateau d’Yquem Sauternes from Costco; the bottle of wine I hold on to for inappropriate amounts of time and take for a basket ride every time I’m there.
Let’s not even discuss how many pairs of shoes would suddenly find their way home with me.
And last but not least, the purchase of a Faberge Egg would suddenly seem like a logical expense.
So how did you spend your tax refund? Or did you have to pay like me?