So, I’m in the mood to be gross. Well, it’s not that I’m in the mood but a particular topic came up at my house last night and it’s gross. So therefore I will discuss it and be gross. Okay?
The Wild Boar and I were watching television and happily cuddling when an HDTV special came on discussing vaginal and bum hole rejuvenation surgery. What! Well, that abruptly ended the cuddling and did they really need to film this topic in High Definition television?
Gawd, I thought I had heard it all but apparently we can now take our old, worn out hoo-haws and aged bum holes and have them remodeled. It’s being done in record numbers! I must live under a rock.
So the Wild Boar being an OB/GYN…I looked at him very, very suspiciously, accusingly and disbelievingly, as if his chosen profession is causing this craziness and said:
Me: Do you know about this?
Wild Boar: Yes. (He’s a man of many words)
Me: Have you done these procedures before?
Wild Boar: Yes, lots.
Me: Lots? To who?
Wild Boar: You know I won’t tell you that.
Me: Do I know them?
Wild Boar: Stop.
Me: Bbbuuuttt…how does someone just blurt out to you that they want this brand new, younger looking, vagina thing?
Wild Boar: It usually comes up when I’m going to be doing another surgery on them and they ask if I can…
Me: (cutting him off) Oh, you mean you’re going to do a hysterectomy so could you also take out the extra flaps of skin around my bum hole or is it they don’t want a perfectly coiffed landing strip sitting on a bumpy tarmac…Yuck!
Wild Boar: You really have a way with words.
Me: No seriously….why do people want this?
Wild Boar: They want to feel better about themselves, please their partner, look younger or they feel they have extra skin down there and they want it removed. Just random reasons.
Me: What! Oh God! People worry about this? What happened to just wanting to get rid of crow’s feet on their faces? Has this world become so completely vain?
I mean I could see if you really had some weird childbirth trauma down there or the varicose vein issue or something that really, really made things strange and odd but to look younger! To look more…I don’t even know the word is! Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Wild Boar: (so non-judgmental) It’s their choice.
Me: So what have you have more requests for…the fountain of youth vaginal surgery or the bum fixer uppers?
Wild Boar: The anus.
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I need a mirror.