2006 R Winery Bitch Grenache Barossa Valley $10
Could you really get more bang for your buck than showing up to a soiree with this little zinger as a hostess gift?
No. No. You couldn’t.
I bet you can count five people off the top of your head you want to give this to.
I mean of course you would swear on your life that you brought this wine because it was soooo funny ha-ha.
But deep down you know why you brought it to the par-tay.
Your hostess sort of knows it too, but not really. She can’t exactly put her finger on it and will spend the rest of the evening combing over every last detail in your past together that would cause you to consider bringing this wine instead of a candle.
Was it because of the time she wouldn’t dog-sit for you after you lovingly cared for her kid’s chinchilla for two weeks; only to have it die one hour after you returned it to her?
Was it because she once refused to let your children in her house to pee after they had been running up and down the street barefoot and their feet were covered in black-asphalt goo? Your tots peed their pants because they couldn’t make it home fast enough.
Was it because she sat on your husband’s lap for an hour at a party when she was a little tipsy and stroked his hair while she told less than flattering stories about you?
Hmmmm, she doesn’t really know and it’s not like you are going to tell her. I mean it was a combination of all those things that finally allowed you to find what you considered to be the perfect gift for this woman.
Again, you will laugh and giggle and snort and say, “Look at this bottle, isn’t it festive, ha-ha-ha, it’s pink and so girlie!”
And she will agree that YES it is soooo festive and how did you ever find it, blah, blah, blah.
But deep down you will both know what’s going on. You will. And you will love it.
You will also be able to escape further ridicule because if you look at the back of this bottle…
It says “bitch” seventy-five times and then it says, “and bitch some more”. So you could always say, “See it’s referring to complaining, not being a Bitch. Oh god no, I don’t think you are a Bitch. No! Complaining is what the bottle is referring to…see…get it? Ha-ha”.
Your marginal friendship stays in tact. Sweet.
But you know this is not what you meant by your subtle bottle message. Your secret is safe with me.
So with that said, there might actually be some occasions where you COULD bring this wine and NEVER be welcomed back. I mean, that might be what you want, this is one of those all-purpose wines, so here it goes…
Places to Bring This Wine and be Outed Like a Pariah:
Your sister-in-laws 97th Tupperware party. I mean seriously how many plastic cupcake holders could you possibly need? Bring this wine, she might finally get the message.
The Bunco group you have been trying to ditch for months BECAUSE they never serve alcohol. Bring this wine for three months in a row; you might get left off the roster.
Your mother-in-laws weekly “knittin’ with the oldies” group. She begs you to come every week, you’re scared of giant needles and yarn …you want out…bring this wine, you’ll be ostracized from this group forever.
Your sometimes-marginal-friend’s-neighborhood-crack-whore’s monthly poker night. Okay, because she is a crack whore she will either find this funny or she’ll kick your butt. You are taking your chances with this one but it might be worth a try to be finally RID of her forever.
Your ugly cousin’s-neighbor’s-all-girls-church-group’s spa party that has become an annual downer event. You just don’t feel pretty with these people. They have more chin hair than you have hair on your head. They never use bad language and you talk like a sailor. This bottle will certify that your next invite gets lost in the mail.
A date with a girlfriend you have been trying to break-up with for months. Ummm, I think she’ll get it.
So there you go, this is a very useful bottle of vino don’t cha think?
But if I can be serious for like five minutes…
I have been drinking this provocatively named wine for three vintages now. I originally bought it for the label. I had ten people in my mind I wanted to give it to. But then I tasted it and I kept it all for myself.
The wine is really, really good and has been consistently great over the past three years.
This wine over-delivers with very pronounced blueberry and cherry aromas, hints of strawberry and some earthy characters. Once on the palate it is a very big and full wine that has great acidity to balance it out.
For those of you who are not fans of oak aged wine, well this little gem has not seen a day in a barrel.
Let’s face it, the Barossa Valley located in South Australia is one of the best known viticultural and winemaking regions in the southern hemisphere. Wineries from this region have far surpassed many expectations; producing wines of great character and place.
Grenache is a difficult grape to grow, but you would never know it by what has been achieved by the Australians with this particular varietal.
This wine is worth searching out. For $10 you would be hard pressed to find such a good value when it comes to a full flavored Grenache.
Let’s not forget that current prices of wines from the Cotes du Rhone in France (where Grenache is king) are soaring astronomically due to the current weakness of the American dollar. This makes this Grenache a bargain. So get it!
So again, what did you all have to drink tonight or last night…come on…don’t be shy.