Esoteric, Useless, Meaningless Bits of Information About Me That I’m Going to Share With You, Even Though I Probably Shouldn’t

I have sixty-seven pairs of shoes (not including 14 pairs of flip-flops) but wear almost the same two pairs every day.  Many of the shoes do not match any clothing I currently own.

I told Gary Coleman I did not want his autograph.  Well, he asked, and I was this very bratty teenager who was WAY too cool to say yes to such an arrogant celebrity; even though I was the one who was at the taping of his show.

In high school I smoked and loved it.

I plan to start smoking again at the age of 80.  What do I have to lose at that point?  If you get an invitation to my 80th birthday party please buy me a carton of Marlboro Lights 100’s.

I’ve been to a Britney Spears concert and liked it.  (It was a while ago, okay)

I still have a Kajagoogoo CD.  I listen to it sometimes.

I buy clothes to match necklaces that I’ve purchased.

I have way too many necklaces.

I want more children even though that will most likely never, EVER happen.

I love brand name cookware.  It makes me feel like I can cook better.

I’ve lied to my children about what time it is in the evening so that they would go to bed.  Unfortunately, they have now learned to tell time.  It’s so not fair.

When my brother and I would fight as kids he would chase and corner me in the dining room where I would grab a wax, tapered candle that I used to slap his upper thigh and create large welts.  He was bigger than me and he was asking for it with those short, corduroy, OP shorts from the 70’s.  Don’t judge me.

When I was five or six years old, I took out the family photo album and colored everyone’s face in that album (except my own) red with a marker.  It was irreversibly ruined and I was busted.

I often do not purposely wash a pair of shorts the Wild Boar loves and I loathe.  I use the excuse that I did not see them at the bottom of the laundry basket, again.  Sorry honey, I really, really hate them.

See how useless this information was, but now, don’t you feel like you know me better?

Are there any worthless pieces of information about you I should know?

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12 Comments and 1 Reply

  1. Annie 1

    I, uhhh… have a horrible problem with goosing my husband. But not, like… in the cheek area. I go for the crack. And I love to see him jump. And I seriously think that if I don’t do it at least 3 times a day, I feel like I threw off my groove.

    I’m a sick mofo, I know. But he has a nice hiney, and I married him. SO I get to play with it.

    I’m so sure you did not want to know that. :)

  2. I knocked my big brother’s two front teeth out. I pushed him over the side of the bed and he hit his teeth on the frame. I am unapologetic to this day.

  3. Maggie 3

    I do the same thing to my kids (early bedtime). The list of things I have done to my brothers is far too long to post here. The smoking thing? HIL.AR.IOUS.

  4. Kacey 4

    oh man, I hated it when my kids learned to tell time. Though, occasionally one would catch on…”but, Mom, it’s still LIGHT outside.” oops!

  5. I smoked in college and I miss it. I quit cold turkey on my wedding day. I’m glad I quit. It was the hardest thing I’ve done…but…11.5 years later and I still miss taking a long, relaxing drag.

    I’ll light your cigarette for you on your 80th birthday.

  6. I love useless information… I find it’s actually not so useless. I’ve learned a lot about you…. Mwaaahahahahaaaaa.

    Useless info on me: I like to pretend I am an evil villain and write “Mwaaahahahahaaaa…” I’m crazy like that. Or is that just being useless…. anywho …

  7. Candi 7

    I’ve been to a Britney concert too and loved it! I’ve also been to Backstreet Boys and it was even better!

  8. amy 8

    Loved this!! I too buy clothes to match my necklaces. Let’s see I went to a Milli Vanilli concert, and I totally thought they were singing!

  9. Alanna 9

    Oh my gosh…I just found your blog, and you seriously have me cracking up. Coloring red over your family’s faces? SOOOO wrong…yet it sounds like something I would have done. I love it. :)

  10. Barbie with a T 10

    I had a boy cousin my age and when we were about 5 years old we went into my playhouse and ate a box of crayons, chewing them like gum. Of course, we got into trouble for doing that, but we never owned up to the fact that we did it. His mouth was dark blue and mine was dark green so our parents knew. I could not figure how they figured it out, so I never lied to them again after that.

  11. Houses and cars are expensive and not everyone is able to buy it. Nevertheless, credit loans are created to support people in such kind of situations.

  12. Cass 12

    I just found Noblepig and really like your recipes…..but I love your useless information. Thanks for the giggles, made my day!!!


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