Conversation with a Waitress

Setting the scene: 

On a recent vacation we decided to take the hooligans to an upscale establishment for dinner.  We prepped them all day long on the rigors of Fancy Restaurant 101; how to act, how to address the server when spoken to and how to use only their quietest voices. No stone was left unturned.  Every possible scenario was played out.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Here’s how it went:

Waitress:  Good evening folks, how is everyone doing this evening?

Me:  Fine thank you, how are you?

Waitress:  I’m great. (bending over towards the hooligans).  And how are these handsome little men this evening?

Oldest Hooligan:  Ummmm…sometimes I throw up in my mouth and then I swallow it.

Waitress:  Oh, (very surprised) did that just happen?

Oldest Hooligan:  Yes, and I swallowed it.

Youngest Hooligan:  (to the waitress) Is that a hair growing out of your chin?

Me:  (sliding under the table) I’LL TAKE THE WINE LIST NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Will there be a special place in heaven for me?

We left her a big tip.  Hopefully she’ll use it for electrolysis. 

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  1. Hilarious!

  2. loran 2

    LOVE the hooligans. and those dinner table comments are always just priceless. more wine at table one! :) Dig it baby!!

  3. You will get a special spot in heaven – I am sure of it. We will probably get to sit together :)

    Cute site, by the way. Thanks for taking the time to stop by mine and comment!

  4. kacey 4

    LOL. I have 5 boys. I’m ALWAYS asking for the wine list *g

  5. shelly 5

    I laughed out loud.

  6. Oh, I actually lol’d! Gotta remember to get the wine list right away when ours is old enough for a nice restaurant. Although, it sounds like the waitstaff might be the ones who need the wine!

  7. dawn 7

    OMG I am laughing so hard. I can just imagine this. My kids have said off the wall things at places like this because they are so honest!

  8. Betty 8

    Absolutely precious.Art Linkletter had a saying that he used quite frequently..
    “Kids say the darndest things.” Painfully true. I read once where a mother sent a note to her child’s teacher saying that the comments from this child are not necessarily true from the parents standpoint. Have heart because 1 day when your hooligans are teenagers or totally grown,,,you will be able to embarrass them at some point and you can say “Remember when?”

  9. OMG, what a hoot! Well, not so much when you are living it, but hysterical reading about it. Those two have grown up so much in a year’s time!


  10. imom 10

    I laughed out loud while reading this causing my husband to ask what was so funny. He can read his own blogs if he wants to laugh out loud while sitting at the computer!!

  11. Diane 11

    Gotta love boys!!!


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