Dying a Slow Death



What is it about a trip to the hardware store, or what I call my husband’s shopping utopia, that is just so horrible.  I’m not talking about the small Mom & Pop hardware stores, I can usually entertain myself there.  I’m talking about the mega-large hardware havens for the die-hard do-it-your-selfers.  

My husband promises it will just be a quick, one-stop shop to pick up some new barbecue items but before I know it I have been whirled into the lumber department…then plumbing…flooring…garden…fencing and lighting.  It’s never ending.

I swear when we drive into the parking lot my boys cringe at the sight of the store.  They know they are in for a marathon shop.  I on the other hand always believe THIS TIME will be different.  Yes, it will only take a minute.  There is nothing else we need.  Nothing.

Yeah right.  We might not need it, but we are sure as hell going to look at it.  Roofing nails, heavy staplers, air compressors, wood stain, hoses…OMG so many dang hoses and sizes, diameters and lengths.  Let’s not forget the cement aisle, because oh yes, one day we might want to mix up some dang cement.  And then there’s this aisle with rolls and rolls of chains and wires and now my boys are rolling and laying on the concrete floor.  “Daddy please, please can we go?  Our legs are going to fall off.”

It’s literally horrible.  It’s never different.  Why can’t I learn?  I need an intervention.

And then it happens.  He finally agrees it’s time to check out and we turn down an aisle to head towards the cashier, BUT IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE DREADED NUT AND BOLTS AISLE!  Kill me now.

I kid you not, we remain in that holy-hell screw aisle for at least forty-five minutes.  I’m still amazed I didn’t spontaneously combust. 

I swear, I’m never going back. 

I’m not.

One Year Ago Today: 
Coincidence or Conspiracy

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57 Comments

  1. Harry 1

    Ah1 I see what went wrong. You married a man. We men don’t read instruction manuals, so we need to know precisely where we can lay our hands on all kinds of stuff we might never need. Isn’t it obvious?

    Reply
  2. deeba 2

    Holy-hell screw aisle…LOL!! Yes, you need immediate intevention my dear. Let him do it on his own next time…a hardware shop can’t be a quick one-stop shop, like a cookware shop isn’t for me. My kids cringe whenever I enter a cookware/bakeware store & continue to whine unabated until the time I exit!!

    Reply
  3. HoneyB 3

    haha I know exactly what your talking about

    Reply
  4. We have an agreement in our house; I don’t drag him all over the mall and make him hold my purse and he goes to Home Depot on his own. Cuts the whine factor down to zero on both parts.

    Reply
  5. Liz C. 5

    Mr. Snoots & I made an agreement 32 years ago to never shop together, which is, I think, the reason we’re still married, lol.

    Reply
  6. It’s usually ME that holds us up at the hardware store. :)

    A hardware store is like a box of dreams. Oh, what I could do with this…..

    Reply
  7. JIM-49 7

    Well,Ladies,”You missed something,you are known to be good at”!! Looking around!! Maybe its a Southern Thing,since most men cook down here,don’t know about the North?? But,our major ARF,ARF,stores have the biggest section of cooking recipe books,in with the other fine books!! I don’t only mean magizines,but thick,large recipe books,plus kitchen,books of all sorts!! Some you only find at large book stores.I always hit both the ARF-ARF Aisles,then the Oh-Got to make that Aisles.Just let him look,with a promise “If I go,will you get what I want”?? I usually get,20-50 dollars of cookbooks,each trip.I should have kept the secret,since its sorta a little quite time for me,but there are some fine female cooks,that deserve”Hay,Honey want to go with me”??

    Reply
  8. If we go together, I try to find the garden center or home decorating area so he can look as long as he wants. You should have been there the day he shopped for chainsaws (3 different stores). Then again, he has been known to have to follow my daughter and I through the mall as we shop for shoes and clothes.

    Reply
  9. Uuggh! I’m lucky in that my husband hates shopping (except online). He’s the get it and get it type.
    You go girl, put down your foot. Don’t do it again. I believe in you! Do it for the boys. 😉

    Reply
  10. nina 10

    I know the feeling…I have learned not to say “yes, I’ll go with!” anymore!!!

    Reply
  11. I don’t mind going as long as we have a plan… i.e. we’re there to get replacement elbows for the drip irrigation. I do not want to spend 45 minutes in the nuts, bolts and screws aisle comtemplating my humanity. Fortunately TOG is reasonably good about getting out in a timely fashion.

    Reply
  12. I like the mom and pop places much better, some cool things in there!

    Reply
  13. LOL….It could be worse. Couldn’t it?

    Reply
  14. Stacy 14

    Ahhhhhhh, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, but only because what you describe is usually me at bed, bath and beyond! :)

    Reply
  15. Suzette 15

    Oh, hunny! I am so envious of you for having men in your life who drag you to hardware stores! I can only dream of such masculine pastimes. Maybe someday….SIGH….

    Reply
  16. The best laid plans are born in places like these. My husband could camp out in there.

    Reply
  17. I hate hardware stores with a passion. This is one of the reasons I abhor Sears, to this day. Whilst not solely a hardware store, my dad was a die-hard Craftsman dude and he would drag me along while he spent HOURS upon HOURS in the hardware and tool section.

    I can’t even stand the SMELL of Sears because I know that just lurking around the corner from the bedding is the dreaded tool and hardware section. *gag*

    Reply
  18. Jenny 18

    It’s called payback for sometime you may have taken him shopping and needed a blouse, oh, a scarf would go great with this….wow, look at these skirts, how pretty….well now I need shoes to complete this outfit…come to think of it…my purse is worn out as well….LOL.

    Reply
  19. Laura 19

    I think I started to feel a headache coming on as soon as you talked about the big store.
    HATE IT.

    Reply
  20. annbb 20

    Well, at least until next time!

    Reply
  21. elra 21

    Sounds like J dragging me to the hardware store. He also likes to say, it’s going to be quick, only take a minute, etc. Never happen!!!!!

    Reply
  22. Cassie 22

    Yaaa, I wait in the car and read a magazine and listen to music. I hate that place!

    Reply
  23. Halszka 23

    hahaha

    i love reading you!

    you’re hilarious!

    thanks for sharing your amusing view of the world with us, and those pictures of food! they just drive me mad!
    makes me want to try everything @o@

    cheers to you!

    Reply
  24. Bob 24

    Heh, that sounds familiar, only replace hardware store with the mall and your husband with all the girls I’ve ever known who I’ve liked enough to sucker me into going with them. I feel for you. :)

    Reply
  25. I am exactly the opposite. Put me in the middle of one of those stores and I can amuse myself indefinitely. I have spent many an hour dreaming of all the things I could make with the tools and the lumber – jeez, I love the smell of wood!

    Reply
  26. ntsc 26

    Hardware stores are neat places. Could never have done this work: link to blog.charcuteire.com without one.

    Reply
  27. Margi in Ky 27

    I’m with your husband. I love those stores and being with DH. He also lets me lose in kitchen gadgets and never looks at his watch. But we really enjoy ourselves together.

    Reply
  28. dawn 28

    Just like you, I don’t mind going as long as it doesn’t turn into a marathon which somehow it does. Why do we have t look at everything for every project we are going to accomplish in the next 20 years in one trip. It’s not necessary and is unfair to those who tag along.

    Reply
  29. giz 29

    This is sounding vaguely familiar to many men’s views of “what is it about food that’s so damned interesting…my eyes are getting glazed over just hearing about it”

    Reply
  30. Linda Powers 30

    hmmm. i just wonder. did your hubs go shoe shopping with you???

    Reply
  31. June 31

    Oh, great post. Boy, I laughed at this one. How many smiling women do you ever see with their guys in these places? Not many. A great weekend at our place is when the big guy only has to go back to HD 3 or 4 times to finish one job. It’s funny though, when I go with him we’re in and out in no time – no way is he checking out the new appliances! He sweats buckets when I pull out a notepad. Ha.

    Reply
  32. Biz 32

    Hs! I can totally relate – however since my husbands’ latest knee surgery, it is just in an in and out trip – for now!

    Happy Sunday!

    Reply
  33. Linda-

    I don’t mind going to the hardware store, I mind the three hour marathon when we only went for one thing.

    On the rare occasion he does go shopping with me I don’t marathon. I have a very keen idea of what I want and can decide very quickly if they have it or not. I don’t look for hours. We try it on (if it’s clothes or shoes) and we’re out of there.

    Reply
  34. that girl down south 34

    I love the big home stores. I look at all the options for remodeling and really dork out in the appliances and paint sections. Usually its the hubby who gets that glazed over look.

    Reply
  35. Pam 35

    I feel your pain. I usually just go into the garden department and hang out until he’s ready.

    Reply
  36. Marjie 36

    Of course you’re not going back. Until the next time the Wild Boar and Hooligns drag you there.

    I too love “Ace is the place”. Ours is about a hundred years old, and just the feel of the uneven floorboards makes me happy.

    Reply
  37. Abby 37

    Ahh, well my husband owns a construction company so not only does he look at the stuff, he buys it! If any of our friends need anything they don’t have to go to the store, they just call my husband.

    Reply
  38. Marcy 38

    /snort – holy hell screw aisle – I know exactly what you mean – I don’t relish the thought of looking at every freaking ceiling fan and faucet ever made either – let alone the individual nuts and bolts that hold the darn thing together.lmao

    Reply
  39. Cyndi J 39

    That is the key to a successful marriage! My husband & I have that same agreement. Home Depot makes me want to find the razor-blade aisle! Then again, shopping in general does that!

    Reply
  40. I can sympathize but ROFLMAO

    Reply
  41. Melynda 41

    I am a slow learner, but I have finally learned I don’t want to go with him and I don’t want him to go with me. Why? Because I have leaned to look. I have never been a big shopper. But I look more now and I think the same is true with him. So if we each go alone, all is peaceful in the world.

    Reply
  42. HAH, I read the first comment from Harry who said “Oh I see the problem, you married a man!” It took me a while to compose myself after that. I actually LOVE LOVE LOVE browsing through the hardware store. I love thinking about all the home improvement stuff I could be doing, if I actually owned a home. HAH!

    blessings and good luck next trip!

    Reply
  43. Kate 43

    He should know he’s really irritating the rest of the family. Someone needs to fill him in.

    Reply
  44. Cheryl 44

    Hardware. Bleeeeh. Only part I like is the wall of paint chips/samples.

    Bolts, nuts, screws? No Ma’am. You’re a better woman than I (on so many counts)!

    Reply
  45. Bunny 45

    Oh yes, Lowes the Man Store! If that isn’t bad enough my hubby is a talker, he’ll stand and talk to the sales person about whatever it is he’s there for. I have to keep inching my way towards the door….come on honey.

    Reply
  46. Our equivalent of this experience is the scuba diving shop. OMG … I have spent many hours there.

    The small hardware stores we both like, but we both pretty much want to get out of the big box home improvement stores as quickly as possible.

    Shirley

    Reply
  47. pam 47

    For the sake of our marriage, I do not ever go with my husband to the hardware store. EVER.

    Reply
  48. ROTFLMAO!!! The holy hell screw aisle? Oh that is rich! I don’t go. My hubs takes the boys and can make a day of it, but not me. Well, he won’t let me go anymore because I never leave the paint aisle and inevitably he ends up with another project.

    Reply
  49. dawn 49

    Simple but genius. I absolutely love this idea. Egg salad will no longer be an occasional meal but a regular. Thanks for sharing this and your photography is beautiful.

    Reply
  50. I hate mega stores like that. I feel so lost in them. I feel like I need a car to drive around and a map to navigate.

    My husband is not the handyman type, so I luck out there, but we did go through many excruciating hours in these types of places when we did our kitchen and bathroom renovations.

    Reply
  51. Sarah 51

    I feel your pain! I usually try to escape to the garden section or the door aisle, it has always made me laugh to see a bunch of doors laying on their sides, just chilling out. But usually, the men in my life drag me around, convince me of something I absolutely need, and the next thing I know I’m installing curtain rods or staining wood. What is with men and those hardware stores! Some of them even have chairs for tired taggers-on (hostages) who just can’t take it anymore.

    Reply
  52. imom 52

    I always go prepared with a book and go wait in the car when I’ve hit my limit! Luckily my kids are old enough to stay home and believe me they never voluntarily go with us on a trip to one of those stores!

    Reply
  53. Lisa 53

    We hardly ever do that anymore. They built an enormous Home Depot near our house and now we just go on our own, though you can always double my husband’s estimate of how long it will take him to get home.

    Reply
  54. I refuse to go to the hardware store unless I need something from there myself. Ugh.

    Reply
  55. Donalyn 55

    We have Lowes and Home Depot here and I love them both. They both have big garden sections for one thing, and I can be happy for a long time in a garden section. Then there’s lighting, storage, appliances, paint supplies, doo-dads of every description. My husband can go and look at all the nuts and bolts he likes, so long as I can go look at MY stuff :)

    Reply
  56. Steph 56

    I can’t stand going to the Home Depot with my dad either.. and it smells weird in there. I think it’s the same for him when he goes grocery shopping or to the mall with me and my mom. At least they have benches in the mall…hahaha

    Reply
  57. Kayola 57

    You crack me up!!!!!! This is the personality I fell in love with when I started reading your blog many moons ago…something about the wild boar and you were out shopping and there was a messy diaper or something…but it was funny as heck!!!! I love Home Depot…so I am the wierd one…..I wish my hubby did…..more projects would get done…hahahaha

    Reply

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