Carrying the Guilt


Today is my boys last day of school.  While children are always excited about the last day of school (and mine are), they are starting today with a bit of a heavy heart. 

In a week they will be moving away from the only school and friends they have ever known and there is a touch of sadness.

Yes, they will be fine.  Yes, they will adapt.  But it’s hard not to feel completely guilty as a parent, knowing I am taking them away to pursue my dreams.  Is there anything worse than Mommy guilt?

Today I will say goodbye to the many Moms, kids and teachers I have come to know and love over the last four years.  I’m not looking forward to it.

It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later, right?

Ugh.

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69 Comments

  1. The nice thing about your move is that it is not too far from the home and school your sons have always known and a quick drive either way on a weekend will help those true friends keep in touch.

    The good things about your move, well, the good things are too numerous to mention and from now on, ongoing and endless possibilities.

    Graduation, promotion, and new beginnings!

    Reply
  2. Betty 2

    Cathy, Your family has dreams they don’t even know about yet.In your heart you know this is a good move, follow your heart and dreams. You will have many blessings.
    Yes! Onto new beginnings!!!

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  3. donna 3

    You just touched a chord within me. My kids will be going through the very same thing next week, and yes, the mom guilt is a horrific burden. I know , as you do, they will adapt and be ok, but it doesnt take away my feelings of gee am I selfish or is this the right thing to do? I know how you feel, and it bites. But I guess we have to look on the bright side, and know that everything will work out, and you will only being making your childrens life better:)

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  4. I felt guilty moving mine within the same school district. The fact that they would be in a different elementary school tortured the crap out of me. Moms give themselves so much guilt, that they don’t need a mother or a mother in law (but they usually have one anyway).

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  5. My husband and his family moved 4 times in his childhood. His mother says she often had this feeling. And–if it makes you feel better, he and his siblings are all fine.

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  6. Amanda 6

    Things happen for a reason, I am a firm believer in that. We’ve moved many times, but the hardest age is middle school. We had to do that a couple of years ago, and while it was really hard on the kids, now they wouldn’t turn back for the world. Mommy guilt is rough, but THAT’S what make you a good mom, the fact that you have mommy guilt at all. Some people just don’t care, and that’s when I really feel sorry for the kids. I don’t feel bad for yours, it’s obvious you love them dearly and soon enough they will have new friends and all will be well :)

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  7. Ugh! We are moving next year and I don’t even want to think about it. 😉 Yep, all will be well though!

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  8. It is never goodbye….I know just how you feel, and I can assure you it will be okay. Have a nice day;)

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  9. Cheryl 9

    Oh Cathy—I can imagine well how you are feeling. :) Hang in there. Your timing is good…next year will be an entirely fresh start at the beginning of that year…and in the internet communication eased society, they’ll retain contact with those special to them…as will you. We, your internet friends/fans will be here for you when you need us!

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  10. Moving is difficult, for adults and children alike. I was 10 years old when we moved from Costa Mesa to the high desert above Lancaster. I didn’t know anyone there, but in my first week of school I met one girl who became one of my best friends and someone I still talk to today.

    Your boys will be fine and do well. This is an adventure for all of you! How many boys can say “My mom owns a winery”. Not many!

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  11. Leslie 11

    Dont worry Cathy..kids bounce back. We were up routed from PA when we were little and while we were sad to leave our little friends we managed to survive.

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  12. Mags 12

    My son would never have met his beautiful bride had we not moved when he was just going into highschool. He thought it was the end of the world at the time, but admits now that he’s happy we moved. Your boys will do just fine!

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  13. Marlene 13

    Hang in there kiddo, you will be fine. field trips to the vineyard would be a great idea!

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  14. Bunny 14

    Yes mommy guilt is a terrible thing, you probably feel worse than they do. Kids are amazing little people and your boys will do just fine. They are going to learn sooooo much from your move. The vineyard is going to be a wonderful learning experience for them. And being in the country is the best place for your boys!

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  15. Melynda 15

    It has been said, that “brave” is (like) a muscle. And all muscles need to be used to become stronger, so they work better.

    Along that same line, there are also “muscles” that do not need to be used, guilt is one of those.

    So it is never goodbye, it is always until I see you again. Kids are especially great at that!

    Reply
  16. Oh I hate goodbyes–I totally feel for you! But you’re right–the boys will love their new school and new adventure. Just get through today and then onto bigger and better things!!

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  17. Or until we meet again.

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  18. HoneyB 18

    We are always hardest on ourselves Cathy. Your boys are young though and they have the most important people in their lives going with them…YOU and their Daddy!

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  19. Barbie with a T 19

    Don’t feel guilty for a second!! You are enriching those guys lives with this move. It is like chapters in a book, and they will have many chapters of memories in the future. Your guys are the luckiest ones of all. Good luck. You will succeed with flying colors.

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  20. Aww, saying goodbye is never easy. On the bright side, we moved around a number of times when I was younger, and I swear having to make new friends in new situations has only helped me to be more adaptable in my adult life. By the time I was in HS we did stay put, but now I’m glad to have made all kinds of friends from all over. Your boys will be awesome pen pals, I’m sure. :)

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  21. Moving is not easy but your boys will sure to be fine even if it may be a little bit hard in a beginning. For my little one, it’s transition from preschool to kindergarten this summer and none of her preschool friends are going to be in her elementary school.

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  22. imom 22

    The last day of school is always bittersweet, but more so when you are relocating. Take tissue!

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  23. Brian 23

    My family moved several times when I was younger. I don’t know how my life would have turned out had I stayed in one place but I do know I would not be the person I am today. As far as the guilt, just keep something in mind, you are not dragging them off to chase your dreams, you’re showing them that it’s never too late to chase theirs.

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  24. Liz C. 24

    Cathy, my heart aches for all of you but at least you’re doing it now when they’re young & the attachments aren’t so deep. You’re all going to have a magical life in Oregon, at the vineyard. Some day they will both tell you how glad they are that you decided to pursue your dream… because it’s for them too.

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  25. This IS the worst kind of guilt. I remember how bad my own mom felt when we moved the summer before my senior year in high school, from one part of So Cal, to the other…75 minutes away from everything and everyone I had ever known. It was hell, on both of us.

    My heart aches for you…but know this. They are young and will form new bonds in their new schools and neighbourhoods and with the internet, it makes it easier to keep in touch with their current friends and keep some of those bonds intact.

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  26. Mary 26

    It will be what you make of it, Cathy. This part of a move is very hard. It’s best to concentrate on the good things that lie ahead.

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  27. annbb 27

    The grand adventure begins – for all of you.

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  28. Aw crap, I’m all teary eyed just thinking about it. sigh. They’ll get over it…probably before you do! Make the best of the day!

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  29. elra 29

    Cathy, I’ve been there for real …
    I wish you luck,
    elar

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  30. It’s hard to have new experiences, and rebirth without saying goodbye to something, someone.

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  31. Bob 31

    I always wanted to move away and start over when I was a kid. But then, I didn’t really like most of the kids in my age group…

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  32. Yes, they will be fine. And so will you. Guilt is just the frosting on an otherwise tasty cake!

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  33. Marjie 33

    They will have a wonderful summer exploring your new property, supervising all of the work and taking long expeditions to previously unknown locations. You’ll be fine. If the good of the parents isn’t served, the entire family suffers. Enjoy your journey and they will, too.

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  34. June 34

    Follow your dreams Cathy. The boys are little sponges – you’ll be happier and they’ll soak it up and be happier too. Besides, imagine how much bigger their world is going to be because of this new adventure, and all the new experiences, new friends, new opportunities. All good stuff. Hang in there.

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  35. Laurie 35

    Oh Cathy, my heart goes out to you and the boys. Even when we move forward towards great things, it’s hard not to feel sad for what we must leave behind.

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  36. Change can be difficult and painful even when we look forward to the outcome. I am confident you will love it here.

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  37. blessings to you on your new beginning-it is an adjustment but at least you and your family will be doing it together.

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  38. Alisa 38

    They will adapt quickly! There are so many benefits for them. They will get to grow up like wild animals on all that land, much preferable to boys I would think!

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    Reply
  40. *Hugs* That has to be tough for them and for you. SPP and I have spent a lot of time lately dreaming about leaving NY for the DelMarVa coast. While we love it down there, I can’t imagine leaving a job I’ve had for 10 years, my theater group, my dance classes, my mother’s horses (the ones I ride the most)and all of the northeastern friends I have. It has to be twice as hard for a scared child who is about to leave the only life he has ever known.

    They will adapt. It’s going to happen. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. They are going to have such a great life in their new home (and they already have a great Mom!)

    Reply
  41. Paula 41

    Yeh, I hear ya. That mommy guilt is powerful, isn’t it? What a great positive life lesson they are partaking in, tho, watching the most important person in their life pursue her dream. Oh how that will influence them to pursue their own dreams when they are older. When they reach adulthood, I bet they will earmark this transition as one of the most positive and beneficial experiences of their life. Plus, now they get to experience all the wonder that goes along with a new adventure as well as visit California on vacations! Sending hugs your way! Oh, and welcome to OREGON! :-)

    Reply
  42. I understand completely. My first two children went through that regularly as my X wanted to keep moving around. I wanted to give my children stability. And finally was able to do that in their teen years after the divorce. They will adjust and prosper. I have no doubt you will see to that. Not to mention what they are learning about following your dreams.
    I can’t wait to hear all about school next year and how they love their new home.

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  43. awww sweetie.
    Y’all have big amazing things ahead of you.
    <3
    hugs

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  44. Jenny 44

    Come here Cathy….lemme give you a hug!

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  45. It’s see you later and in the meantime, we’re going to building wonderful lives with new friends and new places and new memories. It’ll only cause growth. Growth is a good thing.

    Hang in there.

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  46. They do adapt, sometimes it takes a while.

    I moved my kids to 5 different provinces and they did adapt. It got harder when they got older but they made friends all across Canada and they are happy about it.

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  47. good byes are always tough, there is no easy way. Bake a cake.

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  48. Rindy R 48

    Wow – do you really have room to carry that, along with all your other earthly possession? Drop the guilt. I am a product of 4 moves in elementary school. I can truly say it helped shaped me into the person I was meant to be. My Lifelong friends I found in my 4th elementary school!!! They’ll do great – so drop the “weight”!

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  49. Sara 49

    I think it will be an adjustment at first, but the age they’re at, they will soon be on to the next. As you say, they will adapt. It’s okay to have a little bit of mommy guilt, you’re a good mom, that’s why you have it. But just know that you’re the most important person in their life, and so long as you’re stable, they will be fab!

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  50. Hugs to you, dear Cathy. Mom guilt is something we all identify with. Hoping everything will go as smoothly as possible, but transitions like that one can be tough initially.

    Shirley

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  51. That’s really rough. :(

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  52. New place, new beginnings. Change is always good for the soul.

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  53. vanessa 53

    I just got a little choked up. It may be a little hard on them (and you) but better now than later down the road, I think. And never feel guilty for pursuing your dreams – it is such a wonderful thing to be doing!

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  54. I hate goodbyes for whatever reason… You’re doing a good thing, remember that, and let go of that “mother’s guilt”!

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  55. I switched schools in 8th grade, and thought nothing worse could ever happen to me. And, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me…

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  56. Julie 56

    Wishing you all a smooth transition. I know it must be hard.

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  57. Laura 57

    Ugh that sucks. I would feel cr*ppy too. even though, I emphasize, you are doing nothing wrong. but it still sucks.

    Of course you are talking to the mom who teared up forcing her just turned 4 YO to go to the library story hour that happens without parents.

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  58. Janet 58

    Don’t feel guilty. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing your own dreams. Who said that your dreams have to go on the back burner, or not be chased at all, because you have children? Go out there and grab what you want for yourself! You’ve got one shot in this life, it ain’t no dress rehearsal, after all, you have to make it count. This is a very important lesson you’re teaching your kids, btw. Best of luck to all of you!

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  59. Don’t hang on to the guilt too long ok? You are giving your children a wonderful life and they will learn so much from being part of your dreams! You are a great mom!!

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  60. gp 60

    as they say.. where the L-rd closes a door, He opens a window

    gp

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  61. Shame… We all had to do that at some point, or will. It’s always sad…

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  62. Biz 62

    I know what you mean – we moved just as Hannah was entering 4th grade and I felt horribly guilty, but you know what? She made friends the first day of school she still hangs with today at 17!

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  63. Mary 63

    Hi Cathy, it will take time, and tears but it gets better. Had to do that years ago! It is really hard.

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  64. Pam 64

    Mommy guilt is the worst. I am sure it will be hard to say goodbye but I am also sure you will love living here in Oregon – it’s a great place.

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  65. Mommy guilt is the worst, but you are doing something great for your family. It will take a little time for everyone to adjust, but I bet it will be a postive experience. Look forward to your posts from the new digs!

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  66. Kayola 66

    Bless all of your ♥’s….I really hate telling people so long….until we meet again….I have been known to stand in the middle of the street bawling my eyes out…I’m crazy like that. You are more sensible and have it together….I do hurt for all of you…leaving your home and friends…

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  67. Lisa 67

    Mom guilt is the worst but it hits you from every side. If your family didn’t have this opportunity look what they’d be missing out on! Either way you lose, but then again, either way you win. It’s just a choice really. Best of luck to you. Make it great!

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  68. Oh I’ve felt that “we’re moving” guilt too many times. I hope to never feel it again!

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  69. I don’t care if you move a mile, or move out of state, you still feel kind of guilty.

    3 years ago, I moved literally a mile from our old house, and my 3 kids were so bummed! In that little mile, the dividing line for school districts changed, meaning they would have to change schools. They have adapted, we still live in the same town, but believe it or not, we did lose touch with some of their friends! They have made a bunch of new friends, so it all worked out.

    I wish you the best of luck on your move!

    Reply

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