Au Contraire


Have you ever known someone who contradicts EVERYTHING you say?  Everything.

Not only is it annoying, it’s weird. 

The sky is blue. 

No, it’s really kind of gray.

Your pants are purple

No, they are violet.

Smoking can kill you.

That’s a myth.

I mean, it can be to the point of ridiculous.  

I know someone like this and I will most likely see him tomorrow.  However, because I know how he is, I purposefully attempt to come up with statements he can’t contradict.   

So far, no matter what I say, he’s had a come back.  It’s hilarious.  And he’s fast.  And good.  You could not pay for this type of entertainment.

I need some good ammo. 

What can’t he contradict?  I swear he has an answer for everything.

One Year Ago Today:  Plastic Surgery You Just Don’t Think About…AT LEAST I DIDN’T, Until Now

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79 Comments

  1. deeba 1

    I think he’s found someone his own bloody size in you Cathy…don’t let him get away!

    Reply
  2. As a matter of fact I DO know someone who does that. I know him very, very, well. I have decided he will never admit to agreeing with me so I don’t even sweat that anymore, I make a game of how predictable he is by making a statement and waiting for the inevitable contradiction to what I say…if I even bother to muster the energy to contradict him anymore it is to see how well he talks his way around what I say so it agrees with his contradiction.

    It must be difficult to have to be THE one who is always right to the point of absurdity…and really, he isn’t fooling anyone but himself, is he? Have fun, make it a game!

    Reply
  3. I forgot to mention , isn’t this the premise of Shakespeare’s ‘The Taming of The Shrew’ ? ( hmmm, wasn’t her name Katherine ?, one of those names Cathy, Kathy was derived from ? )Anyway, it was an attempt to assert his will and way on her, to make her agree to whatever he decreed, even if he called day night and night day…see, there is a method to such madness. It is called ” power struggle”.

    Reply
  4. I’m wondering if he does this even when you make positive comments about him, like “Bob, you’re looking well today.” I’m guessing probably yes. You could always try the only respond to him when he says something positive trick. That’s very hard though. I find that type of person just as exhausting as spending time with a negative person or a person who gives you some positive vibe and then flip flops on you. We had one group member who commented on our meeting at UNO’s recently where they comped all the gluten-free food for us. At UNO’s, she said this meeting was “just wonderful.” In an email the following day, she said she thought it was “fantastic.” A month later at our meeting, she said, “I wasn’t all that impressed.” LOL

    Shirley

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  5. FYI, Cathy, I couldn’t get the link to the post from a year ago to work. (That happened another time last week.) Not complaining, but did want to let you know.

    Shirley

    Reply
  6. HoneyB 6

    haha. Yeah. I know someone exactly like that and it is a he too. LOL.

    Reply
  7. Debbie 7

    Hmmm…This reminds me of my mom!!!

    Reply
  8. Philly 8

    Talk about your period. Guys hate that and no way he can top you on that subject.

    Reply
  9. Andrea 9

    Oh, so I see you’ve met my husband! There probably isn’t much you could say that he won’t challenge. I’d just walk in and say “it’s Tuesday.”

    Reply
  10. Barbie with a T 10

    I don’t think there is much you can do with him, except play the game just as you have been doing. You can tell him how happy you are and what you feel inside nobody can change except you! You do have power within…practice using it more often and it gets even stronger!! You can only laugh at his contradictions, though. He would be a tough egg to crack!

    Reply
  11. Erin 11

    My brother in law is like this. And I’m pretty sure I could say that I have never had a period as heavy as the one I’m having right now and he’d find a way to contradict me. He once had the nerve to get into a “discussion” with me on facebook about whether men really understand what labor and childbirth are like. What the heck. He’s lucky I wasn’t close enough to punch his face.

    Hormones don’t make me a nice person.

    Reply
  12. Flea 12

    I’d go with over the top triggers, as long as you’re doing it for entertainment value. Obama’s the most conservative Democrat I’ve ever heard of. Religion is the opiate of the masses. Fun stuff.

    Reply
  13. Pay him a lot of compliments. Ask a lot of questions. Call him on it. E.G. “The sky is really blue today isn’t it?” “No, more gray than blue.” “Gray! You are always such a card! Crack me up! Such a droll sense of humor!”

    Reply
  14. Sheila 14

    Are you meeting with my oldest son? This is him completely. He even argues with his 2 year old brother (whom he is 14 years older than). I am trying to teach him that it is not flattering to always argue.

    Reply
  15. Abby 15

    Wow, you just helped me to see the contradictory person in MY life in an amusing way. I’ll be better equipped for her from now on. Thanks!

    Reply
  16. Hilary 16

    Hi Erin .. that would drive me nutty .. at any time – especially on facebook .. how juvenile?! I haven’t had kids .. and most certainly would not assume to know anything about it – except probably slightly more than a man!!

    The trouble is they’re not worth worrying about – I just switch teh conversation off & if necessary walk away .. I’ve realised my time is precious!

    Good luck with him .. difficult brother in law to have ..
    Hilary Melton-Btcher
    Positive Letters

    Reply
  17. Half of my family is like this guy you described. It’s funny and infuriating at the same time, isn’t it?

    Reply
  18. Melynda 18

    Man, they are in other states as well? Too bad there was not an actual shortage of this kind of person.

    Reply
  19. Hilary 19

    Hi Cathy .. do hope today oes well and you totally manage to outmanoevre him .. and get some pleasure out of the conversation ..sounds rather one sided to me .. Good Luck.

    Hilary Melton-Butcher
    Positive Letters

    Reply
  20. Tell him he looks really good and/or is a smart guy — and hope he disagrees. Then you can say, yeah, you’re probably right.

    :-)

    Reply
  21. I think Gluten Free for Good has an awesome idea, however if you tell his he looks really good, he might then undercut you and go for something self-deprecating which you can either agree with (I probably would, just to teach him a lesson!), him or keep at the tit for tat thing.

    Personally, I’d probably stick needles in my ears at some point. Dealing with bloody ears is preferably than having to deal with someone like that.

    Reply
  22. Katrina 22

    First of all, sorry you have to be with this guy. Second, funny! Everyone’s comments are great. Have you seen the gal on SNL who ‘one ups’ EVERYTHING people say? She’s hilarious.

    Reply
  23. Nothing whitty to say yet this morning, the caffiene hasn’t made it to my bloodstream yet.
    I suggest that we put your little friend and my mother in law in the same room and let them contradict themselves silly. The woman actually tries to contradict me when I’m calling out to one of my identical twins. “Cali, come here.” “Oh no, that’s Kate.” Dude, seriously? I know which one is which, you don’t. I think she does it JUST to contradict me.

    Reply
  24. That’s bizarre! And it would drive me crazy–good luck!!

    Reply
  25. LOL Creative bunch here….I am liking the heavy flow theme;)

    Reply
  26. Maggie 26

    Start every statement with: “In my opinion…”. When he starts his insanity you can simply respond: “Oh, that is your opinion. That is what is so great about you. You respect the opinion of others before expressing your own”. Repeat as often as necessary. It may take some time. He will either take the hint or grow tired of hearing you say it and avoid contesting you.

    Reply
  27. Trisha 27

    Hmmmm. I never was good at dealing with that kind of person. Usually, I jsut walk away. Good luck!

    Reply
  28. Marcy 28

    Wow, that would get really annoying Cathy. Its too early in the morning for my fog ladden brain to come up with anything witty that he couldn’t contradict though. good luck with that

    Reply
  29. dawn 29

    Tell hime you are having the worst period of your life and your pads aren’t big enough. Or tell him your boobs hurt. Or tell him you are perfect and he’ll have to say you aren’t. What a nut.

    Reply
  30. Mary 30

    I sympathize. I once had an acquaintance – verv, very smart – who thought he knew more than God. I was tempted to create a non-existent topic to see if he would spout pearls of wisdom to edify the rest of us.

    Reply
  31. Marcy 31

    got an award for you! please come and get it

    Reply
  32. Rebecca 32

    Tell him that nothing in the English language rhymes with orange.

    Reply
  33. How about you always have something to say after I speak? Hopefully silence will ensue (but for 5 sec probably)! LOL

    Reply
  34. Goldie 34

    My brother is the same way. He’s not a know-it-ALL, he’s just a “know-it-better”.
    A battle with this type of person can be amusing, but if you’re not in the mood to play, then either ignore him completely, or constantly refer to him as “a little ball of hate.”
    Another alternative is to pull a Christopher Walken and reply with comments that have nothing at all to do with his topic. :)
    Good luck!!!

    Reply
  35. melissa 35

    I do know someone like that and I love to spar with him. No matter what you it will never be as witty or clever as what he can say.
    Talk about periods or poop. Maybe he won’t want to talk to him anymore. Or better yet talk about things a lady should do before seeing her OB… I’m still shuttering.

    Reply
  36. annbb 36

    How about saying to him: “You’re a man.”

    Reply
  37. jackie 37

    There is still the old saws “Do you still beat(cheat on, abuse, anything else applicable)your (wife, children, boss, IRS)? Make it into a statement. I know people like this and am not quick enough to think up anything at the time. Have to prepare and don’t usually prepare the apt thing, BUT occasionly heaven looks down and can get my own zinger into the fray.

    Reply
  38. This is my 20-something little brother all the way. Except the hilarity of it stopped 15 years ago. I’m having a great time reading some of the comments here getting ammo myself!

    Reply
  39. Kari 39

    Some of these comments are hilarious! Unfortunately, I am one of those people who gets zing’d and 24 hours later think “I should have said _________!” Good luck to you Cathy, you have my sympathy, but I look forward to your post about your actual visit with this numb skull!

    Reply
  40. I hate this! I can’t stand to argue and it seems some people live for conflict.
    Talk about things that are going on in your life that he would know nothing about. Statements that both begin and end the conversation.
    Or go in with a list of things and everytime he contradicts, change the subject. Goodluck!!

    Reply
  41. I knew someone like that as well, but unlike you chose to stay away. I was getting too tired whenever we’d see each other and since she knew everything she must have seen it coming! 😉 Good luck!

    Reply
  42. Tell him how handsome and smart he is! Can he contradict that?

    Reply
  43. Bob 43

    I know someone like that too, it irritates the hell out of me. I’ve found that when he is feeling contradictory then nothing I say will be accepted. He even twists agreeing with me around so as that somehow I am wrong and he is right.

    Reply
  44. imom 44

    The comments are so entertaining! You have some very creative readers. I like the period conversation idea… I’d like to hear what he will come up with to contradict that!

    Reply
  45. Saw your comment on A Duck in Her Pond last week when the Blonde Duck was gracious enough to let me post for her. Thought it would be fun to stop by and check out your blog. So glad that I did too.

    You are from Davis! Always fun to meet a “local” on the blogosphere. I grew up in Dixon and attended school at Davis. Small world!

    Sounds like you and your friend will have plenty to talk about tomorrow. :)

    -Francesca

    Reply
  46. I had a boss like this! You can just imagine what it was like! Nothing ever got resolved. It was just constant arguing. All efforts for small talk or pleasant conversation were always thwarted. Good luck!

    Reply
  47. Alanna 47

    LOL right now… Be sure you blog update on this let us know how it goes!

    Reply
  48. LOL. You’ll have to share your day with us.

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  49. Pam 49

    I can’t stand being around people like that… Let us know how it goes.

    Reply
  50. elra 50

    Ah Cathy, I wonder if we have the same person you are describing here. LOL. I have exactly one like this guy. But, both my husband and I still like him, because e has other value that worth notice.
    Cheers,
    elra

    Reply
  51. Gin 51

    HMMM….. Are you dealing with a teenager? I just had a 45 minute conversation with my (17)son!! My frustration level was at it’s highest! That is exactly what it is like dealing with a teenager. I am telling you if I said “white” he would say “black” if I said “up” he would say “down.” He can string a bunch of words together that will leave you wondering what the heck is he even talking about? Good luck!! Thanks for sharing….

    Reply
  52. Rebel 52

    I’ve got a friend like that and you know what’s really fun? Turn the tables on him. Just contradict everything he says, it doesn’t matter if you actually agree with what you’re sayin’ or not. It’s fun, and it kinda shakes ’em up. hee hee

    Reply
  53. That would drive me nuts. I’d probably start snarling at him.

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  54. Alisa 54

    Preface everything you say with “I think, feel, believe, etc.” Then it sounds like he is personally attacking you when he contradicts. I like to mess with people’s minds. Or you can just agree with everything he says, “Oh, you know I’ve never thought about it like that, but now that you mention it, I do think…”
    Have fun!

    Reply
  55. you are talking about my sister-in-law, right?

    god, how i dispise her.

    Reply
  56. Tracy 56

    I agree completely. Periods and/or poop! It is perfect.

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  57. tipper 57

    Another Sienfeld episode!

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  58. Tell him that there is no word that rhymes with orange.

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  59. Kate 59

    I can’t think of a thing, but let us know how the conversation goes. I know people like this, too!

    Reply
  60. I so know someone(s) like this. How bout (and forgive me here, but maybe you can speak my piece for me and fix all that’s wrong in the world) hey, yer a shit. Now, how’s he gonna argue with that?

    Reply
  61. Jaime 61

    I once went on a cross country road trip with my friends and his parents (we were going to college). This was our conversation for 4 days. FOUR DAYS!!!! About halfway through the trip, we were driving by an airport, and I kept glancing at my backpack (that contained a wad of cash), and then back to the airport. I envisioned creating a distraction, making a break for it, swinging my pack over the barbed wire fence, running across the tarmac to the terminal. But then I was too late, and I had to endure the rest of the trip.
    Oh, and it looks like Haley W may have found something.

    Reply
  62. Tell him he’s witty and intelligent and quick as a whip.

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  63. I don’t know, I live with a kid like that. I’d like to see her in the same room with him and just watch from afar.

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  64. sharon 64

    Why, yes! Meet my husband :) I guess it keeps me on my toes when I’m not annoyed.

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  65. Elyse 65

    Oh my gosh, yes! I know exactly what you’re talking about. Sooo annoying!

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  66. I agree. You are the authority on your own uterus! Talk it up!

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  67. Erin from long island 67

    thats what i was about to say!!!!

    i eagerly await the`outcome!

    Reply
  68. Teresa 68

    Ahh! Meet my friend’s ex-boyfriend! She is pre-nursing as in application is submitted for the next quarter they accept students. He argued with her, mind you he has never taken college level classes, about the anatomy of a heart while she is in anatomy and physiology…He brought his laptop into the room and threw it at her, saying “here read this.” then left the room. She looked at it, it was a junior high level paper. She brought his laptop back out with a medical publication website up on the heart gradience and said “here, look at this.” I think of all the nice things I’d do to him in my head every time I hear this story. So so so glad he is an ex!

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  69. What a cool idea!

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  70. Sorry I left this comment in the wrong section!

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  71. pysmatic 71

    Just tell him “Bring it On is the best movie of the last 50 years. It has so many nuanced layers. You absolutely can’t argue the truth.” He might explode.

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  72. I have an 11 year old daughter like that.. has to argue with EVERYTHING I say.. sheesh!

    Reply
  73. LilSis 73

    Hi Cathy,
    I do know a few people like that and most of them just have big egos and want to be right about everything. Basically, just a narcissist! So,just ask him questions about himself and you’ll be fine! (If you can stand to listen!)

    Reply
  74. Liz C. 74

    Are you kidding me? I’m married to someone who invented the word contradiction. In 31 years I think he has agreed with me one time, but I can’t remember when it was, lol. Thank goodness I’m not a control freak like he is or we would never have made it this far…

    Reply
  75. What an absolutely adorable–and yummy looking–idea!

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  76. kayola 76

    People like that soooooooooooooooo ANNOY me!!!!! My hubby can be like that sometimes…I would go ABSOLUTELY NUTS if it was constant….IT BUGS I TELL YA!

    Reply
  77. Oh, yes, I have a friend too…
    I usually get distracted and stop listening, or I change the subject. You realized that the person who “thinks they know everything” is just trying to fill a void in their life and I feel sorry for them. But first I am annoyed. And I would love to help you with non-contradictory statements, but I don’t think I am that clever or quick witted. I am sure you will think of something and have FUN!

    Reply
  78. robin 78

    now THAT is the best thing… to totally talk about something else… that is the best method i have found… throws the “know it all” for a loop. :)

    Reply
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