Political Correctness Has Ruined Our Society

I am so tired of schoolyard bullies.  But what I’m really tired of is the hula-hoops schools have to jump through in order to deal with this type of intolerable behavior.

I am sick of the kids who instill fear in all the other children in and off the playground.  You know the ones, they sneak up from behind and punch and push other unsuspecting kids for no apparent reason.  Or they disrupt the learning process in the classroom.

This type of victimization is deplorable.

When did it become impossible for schools to discipline these kids?  Why do the schools have to be so afraid of frivolous lawsuits filed by parents who feel their kid is just misunderstood?  It’s ridiculous already.

No-tolerance bully policies should be implemented without question. 

There always seems to be one of these kids in every class.  This year it’s someone we’ve known about and of course he’s up to his regular tricks; pushing, punching, choking and defiance to name a few.

I’ve often observed the parents of this child while he commits behavior my children wouldn’t dream of participating in (and my kids are far from perfect).

These parents do nothing! I DON’T GET IT!  When did so many parents stop parenting?  And why?

And I am not talking about kids who have learning disabilities, I’m talking about regular kids who feel it’s okay to physically torment others and disrespect their teacher. 

I am so tired of hearing about integrating these kids.  It doesn’t work because nine times out of ten the parents of these children don’t see their kid as a problem. 

It disgusts me.

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77 Comments

  1. Diane 1

    In the UK my son’s school has several disruptive pupils. After many many incidents one child was excluded for a week! A whole week! And they don’t expel kids anymore or tell them they’re bad because it’s not good for the child!

    In the old days you’d be threatened with going to the head teacher’s office – and with the threat of physical punishment you’d behave or at least know there was a consequence.

    Without being able to properly sort out the problem pupils they remain there to continue to disrupt everyone else’s education. It’s not fair on the well behaved kids!

  2. Deeba 2

    I’m so glad you blogged about this…it’s very prevalent everywhere & I agree about zero tolerance. Bullies need to be reigned in, no matter what. I’ve had an incident last week at the kids school invlving my son who is 9, & he’s a naughty guy, but has been told I’ll turn him in if he bullies etc. Thankfully the kids school has a zero bullying toleration policy, & immediately initiated an investigation of sorts. Went on to communicate to me several times that they were more concerned that something like the incident took place.
    It was just bullying in poor taste, where 1 kid pulled the chair out from behind my son, who fell down, & his friend put a foot lightly on his chest, telling him to get up! The guys were from the next higher grade etc. The school was very supportive & offered counselling to my son too telling him that he shouldnt be scared, & they were there for him etc. My son of course had forgotten about everything the next day! Sometimes I think political correctedness will be the undoing of our future society!

  3. Harry 3

    ….and nine times out of ten, the school denies that it has a bullying problem and does nothing!

  4. We home schooled for years, then allowed our kids to attend the local high school. After a week or two one of our sons was disgusted by the constant disruption of classes and learning while teachers had to handle problem kids. Problem kids the teachers were unable to discipline properly for fear of parent reprisals and no support from the principal who was also probably fearful of the parents.What can I say, apparently it benefits problem kids to do what they do…bully, disrupt, cause chaos..

    Anyway, our son said much of the class time was taken up with such antics and he finally appreciated the education he had from home!I don’t think much has changed and I really feel for the teachers and principals of the schools today. I wonder what it will take to put political correctness in proper perspective ? Thanks again Cathy. kathyB.

  5. Philly 5

    That’s what happens in the public school system, sad to say, no matter how good your district is.

    #1

  6. Krissa 7

    It’s funny that you wrote about this now, because we’re going through it right now at the Middle School. My son is 12,and he’s in 7th grade. He always talks about a kid in his class who talks back to his teacher, no one knows his “real” name because he gives different names to all the teachers just to be an ass, and yesterday he was pulled out of science class to be searched for marijuana. He refuses to answer teachers when they call on him, and fakes sleep in class. I swear, I want to find out who his parents are, go to their house, and tell them to be a parent to their kid. My kids would NEVER pull that crap in school or anywhere for that matter. Never. What is the problem here?!?

  7. We homeschool now. I can’t stand bullies or clicks. They are everywhere! I didn’t like them when I was in school and I wasn’t involved in them. I have even thought about leaving our Church beacause of clicks. To me clicks and bullies are the same.

  8. I haven’t come across bullies yet but when the time comes, I’ll take care of the problem myself. Let the parents answer to me.

  9. ladywalker 10

    Parents stopped parenting when they became afraid of their own children. They are afraid that if they try to discipline their children, they will be reported to child services for cruelty or whatever – and the kids know it. Although there are still a lot of great parents out there, we, as a society, have been teaching our children all of their rights and none of their responsibilities.

  10. Erin 11

    I’m on the board for a charter school, and we run into these kinds of issues so often. There is a completely different set of rules for special education, and more often than not, some of these aberrent behaviors are associated with a special education tag. It’s really frustrating to try to discipline when you’re going up against state and federal laws. As for the parents, it’s inexcusable. I’m always scratching my head at bad behavior that goes unfixed. For example, my neighbor came to pick up her boys last night from playing in my yard. Since they weren’t ready to go home, they kicked and hit her and screamed. What was the punishment??? Ten extra minutes of playtime! I would never have let them get away with that kind of behavior in my yard had their mother not been right there. I don’t blame them for their behavior really-they’ve learned that it gets excellent results.

  11. It’s really unbelievable, isn’t it? These kids get away with the most atrocious behavior and no one does anything! And who really suffers? The poor children that are being picked on! They know nothing will be done about it so they don’t tell teachers, principals or any type of an authority figure at school.

    It’s just wrong. School should be a safe learning environment for children. Not some place they dread to go everyday.

  12. My youngest just started middle school this year. This is a worry of mine, also. The school staff hands are tied in relation to how they are able to discipline. Schooling is mandatory for all children, and unfortunately, the teachers must tolerate more than they should. How do we, as parents, intervene? When usually the parent, of a bully, is a bully themself.
    It seems, whoever screams the loudest, gets more done. Maybe that is what is needed…more screaming and less tolerance!

  13. Queen of Planet Hotflash 14

    Bullying…ggrrrrr, this is why grandgirl is taking self defense classes, she is shy and intimidated by the “meaner” children, so we are boosting her self confidence, but she is also learning that she is only to defend herself, she is not to instigate.

  14. Sandie 15

    Our school district has a zero-tolerance bullying policy. While it came about from a horrendous tragedy, I’m glad it’s in place today. No one should be bullied: not anyone, anywhere, anytime, any how.

  15. Our school is very strict on bully behavior. No tolerance. Its a public school in California too….maybe you should talk to your school. There is actually curriculum available to CA public schools.

  16. Candy 17

    My son was the target of a bully for a few years in grammar school. What he learned from that instance was that if he told, and the school did little (which it would) he was only going to get beat up worse the next time for telling. So he learned to take it, keep a low profile, make friends with the kids who could protect him, and keep his mouth shut.

    I hate that that’s what he learned, but he figured out faster than I did that there are some battles that not only can’t be won, they won’t even be fought.

  17. Wow I havent commented in so long here I had to input my data again….while I have not been commenting I have been reading and I hear you loud and clear on this one, we have a problem kid too, he is such a little sneak and then he is a tattle tale to boot, he hits and tells and plays the coy little victim, he is is in 5th grade now so he is good at what he does…..

  18. Wow I haven’t commented in so long here I had to input my data again….while I have not been commenting I have been reading and I hear you loud and clear on this one, we have a problem kid too, he is such a little sneak and then he is a tattle tale to boot, he hits and tells and plays the coy little victim, he is is in 5th grade now so he is good at what he does…..

  19. mitchsmom 20

    Most of those kids probably DO have learning disabilities &/or mental/emotional diagnoses, though.
    I am the parent of three boys, one of which has serious behavioral problems. I wouldn’t call him a bully, but he is very disruptive and defiant at times, and has hit a few times over his elementary years (now in 5th grade). Now, about parents and schools who do nothing when their child acts out, I totally understand and agree with you- I ALWAYS act on it when my son misbehaves. And so do his teachers. He has had every consequence you can think of at home, and at school, every time. They have the authority from me to do basically anything they deem necessary with him, including isolation/ not mainstreaming. So he spends a LOT of time separated from the class (the ups and downs of this alone could become a whole other tangent). He also has counseling and a special anger management program.
    But, these things, consistent parenting, & teaching discipline isn’t always enough for some of these kids (for some, I’m sure it obviously *is*, but for some not). Believe me, I wish it were. If I only had my other two kids I would 100% for sure be saying the same things as you. You just don’t know until you walk a mile. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. There isn’t a day that he disrupts others that I don’t cringe in embarassment because I know that everyone is saying & thinking what all these comments say, and what I would have said before I actually had my boy.
    Anyway, I’m with you overall, and I’d be pissed too if someone did something to one of my kids. There SHOULD always be consequences. But I wanted to say that the solution isn’t always easy or even possible. And all parents of disruptive kids aren’t careless and undisciplined.

  20. Marjie 21

    But the schools do punish – even bully – kids for asanine things. For instance, when my second son, now 23, was in 7th grade, being a big, loud redhead, the old lady bus driver hated him. She threw him off the bus for 10 days at a clip every time he got on the bus. I went to protest one such suspension, because she stated that while the bus was parked at school, he put his head and shoulders out the bus window. He was 5’9″ and 160 pounds! It was physically impossible. The school told me I could come in to meet with them and protest the suspension; when I did, they told me the bus drivers have absolute authority, to the extent that if they THINK they see bad behaviour on the street, they can suspend kids from the bus. “Your kids are under our jurisdiction from when they walk out your door in the morning until they walk back in in the afternoon,” I was told. Oh, my aching ass! I homeschooled him for the rest of middle school because of that.

    Parents nowadays want to give their kids everything, and be their friends. A friend’s niece has 2 kids, now 9 & 11, who are so horrible that she won’t ride in the car with her own kids! She has a nanny who is required to go everywhere with them! I can’t imagine what those monsters are like in school.

    I could rant on, but you are right. The problem is that schools are now trying to micromanage every detail of children’s behaviour, focusing on nitpicky things that should never be dealt with except between the kids involved, and that harms everyone in learning how to deal with the world. Then throw in the fact that everyone and their brother is now diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, and they are therefore “disabled” or “special needs” and thus entitled to special treatment, and there is no way to deal with them. In my opinion, ADD/ADHD also gives them a long term excuse for behaving badly.

  21. Trisha 22

    As a teacher I agree that the whole bullying thing is a big problem in schools. Most of the time it is the direct result of parents either not knowing how to discipline or being bullies themselves. I have had parents tell me that they are GLAD that their child STANDS UP FOR HIM/HERSELF! Excuse me? Bullying is NOT self defense in any way, shape or form! I think the parents need to wake up and smell the coffee and get to parenting. They are NOT friends or buddies, they are PARENTS and allowing a kid to bully others is NOT acceptable!

    I also hate the way that educators’ hands are tied by “student rights.” Did WE have rights when we were young?

  22. At Maddie’s Christmas party last year, the class bully didn’t get the book he wanted and walked over to another boy and kicked him as hard as he could. His mom was standing right beside me and said, “Hhmmm, he’s never done anything like that before.” And continued talking to the other moms. Meanwhile the other boy is crying in pain. It drives me crazy.

  23. Been there. Now that my guys are Seniors, and I sent them to different schools, I am reading some familiar names in the local police blotter. I could have predicted it ten years ago.

  24. Teri 25

    I can feel my blood boil on the very first sentence of your topic of the day!!! Ahhhh, I could scream… anyone who volunteers at their kids schools and is involved and witness’s can write an entire book on this subject!

    You’ve opened up a whole can of worms on this… We’ve had families who were upstanding PTA members and helped raise money for our school programs… real assets… leave… because of these bullies and their families! And all because of the “system” as the school put it! Harassment from these under-aged little elementary bullies, and the worst part??? They were transfers! Boys that harassed girls and some of it was physical… Don’t even get me started!

    So I’m sure that everyone could add more and more stories to this list. Sorry that this is not just exclusive to one or two schools Cathy, it is everywhere. And it is so funny when you go to the beginning of the school year orientation and they tell you how they are a “ZERO TOLERANCE” school. Bull! If those parents come in and scream lawsuit it’s over.

    Ohhh, this was a rant, sorry.. sore subject!

  25. Sassy 26

    I have to totally disagree with your statement that most bullies have learning disabilities, some perhaps, but most? Definately not.

    My youngest was bullied throughout her school years, from gradeschool to graduation. She was bullied because she was in special ed, she had a learning disability, her problem was`nt with other special ed children, it was with the *normal* kids who supposedly came from good families, who obviously did`nt care, or could not control their children.

    My daughter is 28 now, the scars are still with her,and it shaped her personality. I cringe when i think how much more severe and deadly this problem has become.

    untill parents and schools take their heads out of the sand, we will continue to hear of horrible violence in schools.

  26. Cathy–I’m in 100% “agreeance” w/ you! We experienced a horrible amount of bullying last year in my son’s 4th grade glass–so bad, in fact, that THREE kids ended up leaving to go to other schools.

    I’m extrememly confused about the way the school handled it–as you said, there should be a zero tolerance for bullying. Also, everyone knew who the bullies were and the parents didn’t seem to care!

    It’s shocking!

  27. It’s the self-absorbed parents who are at fault. The same ones who don’t feel they have to follow the traffic and parking rules around the school. Their kids see them and realize rules must not apply to all families.

    I absolutely hate that “every man for himself” attitude.

    Like father (or mother) like child. Always.

  28. Marcy 29

    LOL Cathy, go read my post today – mainly the second part, lol. I know about the bully thing and it irritates the heck out of me.

  29. I am with you 100%. It makes me worry sometimes. Zac is a great kid with LOTS of friends – he’s pretty popular and does a lot in sports, but seriously, all it takes is one bully to start up and bring their self confidence down. If that bully somehow has his hand on a gun or a knife because his parents haven’t put it away properly, well then we have a whole different scenario that we’d be seeing on the television.

    Bullying might START with words and pushing, but there are times that it morphs into much much more and THAT is what I really worry about.

  30. Rachel 31

    As the victim of quite a bit of torment in school, I can give any number of reasons why schools don’t discipline.

    1. Kids are expected to “sort out their differences” themselves. The tormented needs to toughen up and learn to fight back.

    2. Teachers and administrators secretly are amused. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you don’t know who the “nerds” are. Some kids just invite ridicule (I know I did because I was just a really weird kid.) Heck, if the teacher is a bit nerdy himself, he may be vicariously enjoying having power over another kid and the focus taken off himself when other kids gang up on the nerd.

    3. Parents are often proud of their bullies. They like knowing their kids are at the top of the food chain. If the other kid can’t fight back, he deserves to get beat up on.

    My $.02.

  31. Flea 32

    As a parent, when I see someone being bullied, I talk to the bully and ask them to stop immediately. Regardless of whether their parent is in the room or not. Drives me nuts, too. Sometimes I have to bark at the kid to get their attention. Not putting up with it.

    But I agree. It happens far too often. The schools here don’t seem to tolerate it. My kids are of an age where I don’t immediately get involved. I figure there’s something about my kids’ personalities which invites bullying and we work on character, saying no to bullies, standing up for themselves, telling a teacher or principal. If that doesn’t work, I play mama bear. So far the character training seems to be working.

    My daughter had a girl at school threaten to beat her up last week. Because of someone who my daughter had been hanging out with. We’d counseled her against the friendship, but this scared her into giving it up completely. In addition, the teacher heard what was going on. Not a peep since.

  32. Erin 33

    Bullies suck. And it sucks that the schools and parents do nothing.

    That was deep, huh?

  33. Alisa 34

    Ugh! The Boy had his bully in 1st grade! Now, he’s been going to Jeet Kun Do for about a year, and the bully has left him alone. I feel like billing the school. I would listen in on the afternoon conversations with the parents of this kid and the very first words out of dad’s mouth were always, “What did the other kid do to make him so mad that he would…?” His “punishment”? His parent would have to come at lunch and eat and watch over him. Seriously? He choked my kid on the playground. No wonder there are so many more psychopaths these days.
    I hope your issue clears up soon. It’s a sad day when we have to send our good kids off to school with the reminder to “fight” back.

  34. I was just discussing this with a teacher friend of mine. There is a local family with 9 kids and they are a freakin’ nightmare. I had to wait on them a lot when I was a waitress in high school. She said that the school has a policy that once you’ve had one of their children, you don’t have to teach any of the others. Her cousin-in-law taught one of the kids two years ago and the child bullied all the other kids. When she would discipline her, the parents sent her nasty notes and taught the child to call her “Flabby Abby.” They’ve raised them with this “Us Against The World” mentality and the poor children don’t even have a chance.

  35. Oh, I forgot to mention that the father of this family is a roofer. For the longest time, he was freakin’ obsessed with the Miami Dolphins and all his work trucks were decorated in Dolphins decal. Mysteriously one day, the decals all came down. Well, I guess he had been writing Dan Marino letters and planned each of his vacations around going to his house, so Dan eventually got a restraining order against him.

  36. I totally agree! When I was little, I despised bullies and often got picked on. One little boy pushed and shoved and bit me on the bus. My dad told me to stand up for myself and when I did, I was the one that got sent to the principals office! It’s probably why I’m obsessed with justice today…

  37. I homeschool, therefore I have a plan to deal with this potential problem … but have never needed it. I guess we’re just having too much fun learning to take time out for such “misunderstanding.” : )

  38. Amber 39

    I despise bullying to the point that if I am in the kitchen I observe as the kids walk home from the school nearby and if I hear or see bulling I step in. I stop everyone and ask the bully if he thinks it is okay because he is bigger? Then I remind him I am bigger so is it okay for me to push him around? Then everyone gets a lecture about the bully only gets away with it because they let him. There are more of them. So if they stand up for each other, then he is not accepted and no one is afraid anymore. And how would they feel if it were their little brother or sister and no one said anything. I remind him that no one likes him, they are just afraid of him, and it is better to be liked. If the kid gives me attitude I follow him home and tell his parents and all the kids follow just to see what happens. I swear, one day I am going to jail for this. That would be okay though because it would bring public light to this matter. Also when my children were little and we would be somewhere and a kid was really misbehaving, I made sure to comment about it loud enough for the parents to hear to my children that “we don’t behave that way because we were raised with good manners and that poor child has bad parents who don’t care what people think about them or that everyone talks about their child” I am surprised I never got beat up. Once in elementary school my youngest was sent home for 3 days. When all the kids and the school informed me that it was because she defended the only black child in her class, I told her she did the right thing and we went out for ice cream. As far as the school goes, it really is the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. They do not, do not, do not, want problems. If you accept what little they do about it then it gives them no problems. Be a bigger problem for the school than the bully is. Be in that office. Sit in that classroom (yes I have done this). Go to the school board meetings. Write letters to the newspaper. And have as many parents as you can do the same thing. Public embarrassment tends to get things moving. Did you touch on a sore subject with all of us? One more thing. I once heard my 9 year old son and a friend say stuff from his bedroom window to a kid all alone as he walked by. I went to the kid and said excuse me but I believe my son owes you an apology. I got my son and his friend and brought them out to apologize and explain why what they did was wrong to this boy. I have no problem embarrassing my children when they behave like an ass. I also think there should be a requirement that all parents rotate and spend a day in the classroom so their is always a parent there just observing every day of the year. Okay I’m done. See you tomorrow.

  39. Amber 40

    Oh my I have the biggest post! How embarrassing.

  40. Kristen 41

    More than the schools, it is the parents and their lack of parenting that drives me crazy. It is like parents are afraid of not being friends with their kids. Get over it people…discipline your children!

  41. My 8 year old’s first year (in the british school system) he was bullied everyday. The head teacher and his teacher took it very seriously, but the kid still managed to get his threats in. I get fighting mad over this stuff.

  42. that girl down south 43

    I’m teacher and I must say that the biggest and worst bullies are just like their parents. I have coworkers who have been threatened with physical harm, blocked in in a parking lot, and nearly run over. Our school never ends the year without a few restraining orders against parents! Seriously, how do we expect the children to behave any better?

    I had one particular student last year that was lewd, aggressive, and inappropriate all the time.(I teach second grade) I confronted the parent and I was told that it was my job to help raise the student because she had too many kids.

    I’m sorry but the last time I checked my degree said teacher, not parent.

    I promise that as a public school teacher I hate violence and bullying. I try relentlessly to stop it. But, when you have little or no support from the parents and little to no support from your administration you feel powerless.

    I second the sentiment from a lot of parents here. If i ever have my own children I will home school them. I see no way around it.

  43. Daziano 44

    Gosh!!! You’re SO right about this!!! And it’s a worldwide phenomenon… my brother and my nieces are still in Chile, and even bullying is not a big problem, children act so spoiled in general!! So, I have the same question… when did parents stop parenting?!

    PS: I just read your comment on my blog. Thanks!!! Crostate should have a rustic look, but sometimes I’m afraid my baking skills are good enough to prepare a delicious comforting cake, but maybe not good enough to make a good-looking professional cake… maybe because I’m a guy? ;) So I love you appreciate that rustic look!

  44. krysta 45

    amen! my husband sees these kids that were bullies all the time where he works.

  45. krysta 46

    oh cathy… thanks for speaking up on this subject. my 13 year 8th grade son was bullied yesterday by a 6th grader who was a foot shorter than my son. i’ve tried to tell my son if your being attacked do something… stand up for yourself and he won’t he’s afraid he’s going to get in trouble or expelled. my kid won’t do anything because he’s afraid he’s going to get in trouble either at school or at home but yet nothing ever happens to the bully. it makes me want to cry because there is no answer, the schools aren’t willing to help, the parents say ‘not my child’ and i have to tell my kid to fight… what’s wrong with this world.

  46. Those bullies should be smacked. I mean, what is wrong with their parents that they tolerate this kind of behaviour? They should be ashamed and do something about it: instead, I’ve seen them take it as a personal insult and go on the warpath. There’s nothing wrong with THEM: there’s something wrong with you to complain. Grow up!

  47. laura 48

    preach on sista!!!!
    what i have seen especially with my older kids is we have brought up and continue to bring up children who take no responsibility for anything. i have witnessed the parents of my kids’ peers defend their kids by fixing blame on anythi9ng BUT their kids or their obvious lack of parenting…it’s not the kid’s fault, it’s not the parent’s fault, it’s the school, the other kid, the coach, yada, yada, yada. i see it with the super young parents in the nicu as they model their own parents’ behavior. there is no longer a sense of responsibility with people today. why take responsibility for ourselves when we can blame the media, the government, the doctor, the boss, the idiot who passed us on the freeway and so on and so on. honestly it makes me sad to think what kind of people are going to be in charge of things when i am too old to take care of myself.
    my kids HATE it when i refuse to accept the excuse that it is someone elses fault in anything they struggle with. the teacher may not be doing their job 100%, the boss may be an ass, the friend may be a despicable brat who is out to get them but still ultimately they have to accept some degree of responsibility and they do.

  48. NO child benefits from having bullying ignored, least of all the bully. Correcting this behavior is in the child’s best interest. It’s about time there were consequences for that behavior, at home and at school.

  49. Leslie 50

    Kids like the ones you described quite honestly piss me off! I blame 80% of it on the parents. When you see kids like this..you are right, the parents just brush it off and maybe blame it on ADD.
    While my children ages 3 and 5 are in no way perfect, they are polite,and respectful of other people. And I wouldnt have it anyother way. I am a strict parent. I was brought up strict and I am strict on my children. I believe it will payoff in the long run! They might not like me when they are 14..but they will understand my constant “life lessons” I teach them later on in life!

  50. YEs, this is right on. As someone who works with teens in high schools, this is the biggest problem in schools–Parents. Why has this happened? And how will our society survive with such mean children being allowed to be mean?

  51. Mrs. L 52

    Let me first say I don’t have kids. So take what I have to say with a grain of salt. My husband and I found children very interesting to watch at Disneyland. They came in three “varieties”. Children who were polite and respectful and having a grand ole time. There were those kids that were tired or acting out cuz they wanted to go on the ride for the xnth time, but their parents were able to talk to them, quiet them down. We get this type of behavior cuz believe me I was dang tired and grumpy after 15 hours. We smiled at these two types of kids. I even smiled at the kid who was sticking his tongue out at everyone. Then there were the kids that were pushing in line, throwing food, screaming at the top of their lungs, running into people while the parents did nothing. Not even an “I’m sorry my kid just ran into you and spilled his ice cream all over your pants” (not my pants thankfully). We did not smile at these kids.
    I still like the little girl who was throwing a fit in Downtown Disney until Daddy pointed at the Security Guard (who then went to see what the fuss was about…he was very nice and concerned to the youngster but dang she shut up quick).

  52. Nancy in MI 53

    I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, Cathy. I used to teach 5th grade back before I had my boys and I don’t miss having to deal with the parents *at all*! Now I homeschool my boys. My decision to was not solely based on the decline of the schools, but it’s certainly a benefit that I don’t have to subject them to it!

  53. Having spent 20 years of my life working in and around schools, I say here, here! Bullying is very dangerous, and in my classroom it wasn’t tolerated. I knew who the bullies were and called them out on their sneaky behavior and did contact their parents. One rotten kid can make an entire class miserable for both the teacher and the kids if it isn’t handled immediately. Much of the time, teachers feel they don’t get support on this, then hesitate to take care of it themselves. Often, I found the parents had an absolutely different idea of their kid’s behavior. I used to tell them that if the behavior didn’t stop, I’d have them visit the classroom. If it was serious enough, it could be mandatory. Of course the kid didn’t misbehave with his parent sitting in my classroom, but at least we had a great day, and the bully was mortified that his parent was there. So worth it.

    I’ve had to deal with some pretty hairy bully issues with each of my boys — they were on the receiving end, and I have to say, I do know what a mother bear feels like. My boys wouldn’t tell me who the kids were because I’m sure they knew I’d rip the kid’s eyeballs out. Metaphorically, of course. Heh.

  54. A long time ago now I was bullied. There were kids in the rural school I went to who were just plain mean.
    It hasn’t changed . well it might be worse because now the bullies carry knives and run in packs.
    Way back then the parents did nothing. The school tried.

  55. Laura 57

    I don’t really have anything I could possibly add to that. You said it all.
    Perfect truth.
    Now what do we do?

  56. mitchsmom 59

    You may be right. I wonder if anyone has studied it? Remember, I didn’t just say ‘learning disabilites’, I included mental and emotional disorders.

    The link below seems to state that 20-30% of people have some degree of mental issues, with a quarter of those having a *serious* mental conditions… those disorders may not fully manifest as children but at the same time I don’t believe that they just pop up suddenly at age 18 either.

    Like everyone is saying, most of these kids probably just have crappy parents… it’s just a sensitive spot for me & I just want people to know that there are at least *some* parents of “problem children” out there who actually are consciencious parents and who do feel very deeply for any disruption to others.

  57. mitchsmom 60

    oops… I know it’s getting on a tangent, but the link: link to libraryindex.com
    It does also mention numbers for children’s mental disorders in general.

  58. My first grader got in trouble today for saying a bad word to another kid. When the teacher asked where he learned it from he said “my mom.”

    S*&T!

  59. tipper 62

    I sooo agree with you!! It has reached ridiculous levels at my daughters school. Since in school suspension didn’t seem to be working-they started putting the older students who had discipline problems in with the younger kids!! I still can’t believe it.

  60. giz 63

    You’re on to a very loaded subject and if you pay attention to what you said several times in your post – i.e. the parents do nothing, the parents don’t think their kids are misbehaving – the parents don’t parent. Within your question you found your answer. And -because school administrations are basically gutless, it then becomes the responsibility of the parent council to force change within the school. This type of deplorable behaviour doesn’t really stop – it grows up and raises convicts that you and I end up supporting. Isn’t that the ultimate irony. Bitching needs to turn to a no bullshit attitude that forces change.

  61. QM 64

    We ran into a problem like this when my son was 5 in a Pre-K class. They tried to tell me the kid had anger issues, but after 2 years of observing him in class it was clear to me he was just a brat. his mother – i didn’t know whether to be angry with her for not parenting or sorry for her b/c the child had to be seeing that behavior somewhere (her husband, maybe?)- was brow beaten by her own son. I saw this 5yo child hit her, scream obscenities at her and she did absolutely nothing but apologize for his behavior. that child is one of many reasons we homeschool…and there have been others as well.

  62. Bunny 65

    I’m so glad that I am old enough to say that my parents were PARENTS. I live in a small town. You would not believe the number of adults in this town that abuse drugs and alcohol. And they have kids. What kind of lives do you think these kids live? Is it any wonder that we have kids that act out in school by being bullies when they don’t have real parents at home who give a crap about them. I honestly don’t remember this being a problem when I was in school. Because my generation had parents and rules and you followed them. In our town when they have a drug bust they put the pictures of the people they busted in the paper, you would assume that they would be teenagers or young adults, not so. The average age of the people they busted were in they’re thirties. We will have a whole generation of kids that will have drug addicts as parents and children that will have lots and lots of problems.

  63. susan 66

    there was a family at my school last year who consistantly parked in the handicapped spots when they dropped off their kids. what made it worse was that the 2 parents that dropped of their kids belonged in the same family and took up both spots. there was a grandma who dropped off her handicapped grandson every day and couldn’t park in the HC spots. the g-ma got to the point where she would park directly behind the other cars and block them in so that she could get her grandson into school safely.

    incedentally, 1 of the kids was in my classroom and she was horribly disruptive, nasty, and just terrible to the other kids and me. the mom had her lie about them moving so she could stay in my school.

    thoughts of that kid still makes my blood boil.

  64. sassy 67

    We need more parents like you in our schools.

  65. This is a problem the parents and the schools have to work on together. I saw it from the side of the teacher with kindergarteners – I had one set of parents complain that I was too strict in the classroom and on the playground but I wasn’t going to let anyone bully or push around another kid. I didn’t even let them get away with the verbal attacks – “You’re not my friend anymore” is one of my least favorite sentences in the world!

  66. Suzette 69

    About 10 years ago, the daughter of a close friend was attacked at school. She was too pretty, too smart and too popular, I guess. She irritated the tough girls, and they were going to make her pay. What happened? My friend’s daughter got expelled for defending herself! She was supposed to just take it…and let the school handle it later. I’m so glad I don’t have a kid in school anymore.

  67. That’s right. It’s ridiculous. Political correctness places the power onto the WRONG people… generally speaking. There are rights and wrongs, but “P.C.” suddenly makes the obvious…”subjective”.

  68. Melissa 71

    I could not agree more. This is a hot button issue for me even though I don’t have kids. It’s despicable.

  69. Those kids frustrated me no end, but I have found that the bullies I knew as kids actually did EVENTUALLY grown up and turn out OK. Why they were like that as kids..???…well that is anyone’s guess…

  70. I used to teach high school math and we had our share of bullies there too. But the biggest problem was trouble makers in the classroom disrupting the learning process for other students.

    Of course, the parents of these students were part of the problem instead of helping with a solution. It’s one of the main reasons I am no longer teaching. Sad really, most kids want to learn given half the chance.

  71. It is really sad and what saddens me even more is to realise that good parents are MIA when it comes to discipline.

  72. Elle 75

    Which is why I home school my kids now. Their school had a “No tolerance bullying policy,” but it was a load of BS that protected the bully instead of the victim. Go figure.

    Oh yes, and the parents of the bully were blind to the behavior of their little princess. Still boggles my mind.

  73. Elle 76

    Don’t think it’s just the public school system. My kids went to a private school, and there are bullies there, too. Bullies are equal opportunity–private or public school.

    The problem is principals that roll over and play dead when there’s a bully problem. As if brushing it under the rug will make it go away.

  74. heather 77

    while i don’t have any kids of my own, i have substitute taught here in fairbanks and they actually have a very firm and prominent no bullying policy. signs everywhere against it, and i haven’t seen any incidents (which does mean i’m not sure how they’re actually handled, but it must be well enough to prevent them). i’m not sure when or why parents stopped parenting, but i’ve worked with kids infant through high school and there’s a definite lack of discipline. not beating with extension cords or leather belts, but firm limits with definite, reasonable consquences. i’ve never had real problems with any of the kids i’ve ever bossed around, whether at a job or not, because i try to be reasonable and firm. mostly it works, and most of them like me, and the ones who don’t we at least get along. i think most parents are afraid their kid will dislike them. or maybe it’s too hard to enforce the consequences. i’m sure it varies from person to person, but it is a disturbing trend.

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