It’s Hip to be Square


I can pretty much say, I had a very strange weekend. 

It started with the trophy debacle.  Then moved on to the call from an old friend I really have no interest in speaking to.

But I have to say the highlight of my weekend happened Sunday.  I didn’t pick up my mail on Saturday so yesterday I walked down to the box at the end of the street to retrieve it.

Inside I found a random little gem addressed to me and the Wild Boar.  I don’t believe I’ve ever laughed so hard in my entire life.

This message was printed on a plain piece of heavy cardstock.  It looked like an invitation.  But it wasn’t.

I tried to take a picture of this priceless piece of work but the script is printed in silver and came out almost white when photographed.  

The announcement is from an old, old acquaintance from Los Angeles that we really only keep touch with during the annual exchange of holiday cards. 

Here’s how it read, hold on to your coffee…

        After forty-seven years of riddling in pain,
        
I’ve finally decided to legally change my name.
        
        
Life is too short to live with something you don’t like…

        Please d
on’t get me wrong,
        
I like who I am,
        
But the name Sheldon, no thanks mam.

        I needed something else that fit me to a tee,
        So
I’ve chosen a new name 
        And I know you’ll agree
        That “Chip” is perfect for me!

        
Please refrain from calling me “Shel”,
        Use the name “Chip” and we’ll still get along swell.

        I waited till Ma was dead to not break her heart.
        A shel(l) is a part of the sea,
        But has never been a part of my heart.

        Dearest friends, please update all correspondence with my new name. 
        Also, please refer to me as Chip in person.
        I know this is asking a lot but it’s something I wanted to do for so long.
        Please support me in this. 
        I’ve struggled for a long time to finally go ahead with this decision.

Can I just say, I have never laughed so genuinely and whole-heartedly for a very, very long time.  

“I waited till Ma was dead, to not break her heart.”  Is he seriously kidding!!!!!!

He should have hired a PR firm to come up with a more polished jingle for his big debut.

Does this seem like something a 47 year old man, attorney, husband and father of four should be sending out?  If he sent this to us, friends on the far outskirts of his life, then you can guarantee he sent it to everyone he knows.  I can only imagine what people are thinking.

Can you even contemplate working in his office or being one of his neighbors and getting this in the mail?  The next morning would be so awkward. 

His poor wife. 

But maybe having an identity crisis is better than a midlife crisis?

However, here’s the thing, this guy is TOTALLY a Sheldon.  He looks like a Sheldon.  Acts like a Sheldon.  Laughs like a Sheldon.  He is in no shape or form a  hip “Chip”.  

I wish I could post his picture because YOU WOULD AGREE WITH ME 100%.

I must say though this small piece of mail made my day immensely.  I think I released many, many happy endorphins laughing all day.  

There must be some type of planetary alignment that’s causing the crazies in people to surface.  

BRING IT ON!  I can’t wait to see what happens today.

Post a Comment

46 Comments

  1. Lori 1

    Glad you got to have a good laugh this weekend! :)

    Reply
  2. There’s something amazingly sweet in that. He waited until his mother was gone…Chip is a name I know well. Lots of Southern boys out there are nicknamed Chip (off the old block) when they share their father’s name. They usually have gone away from the Chip by 47, though…

    Reply
  3. midlifesuks 3

    At 42 I can tell you an Identity crisis just HAS to be easier/better than a mid life crisis! Sooo much never to be accomplished, Women finally consider you to be “OLD!”, and maybe the worst… discoveries on the horizon, are actually for the first time, over your horizon.

    The guys wife must also be pleased since she does not have to compete with a new porsche or a new 22 year old blond with high flying DD! 😉

    Reply
  4. I would, going forward, like to now be called Mrs. Magic Vajayjay. But my friends can call me Jay. 😉 Or maybe Honeypot? Go Chip. We should ALL change our names willie nillie. It would be SO confusing, wouldn’t it??

    Reply
  5. Steph 5

    What a weekend you had!! Glad it ended with a laugh!!

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  6. Mike 6

    lol, that is bizarre yet endearing.

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  7. Elle 7

    I wonder how long it’ll take everyone he sees on a daily basis to get used to calling him Chip? I’ll bet he’ll be called “Shel..err..Chip!” for a loooong time.

    Reply
  8. krysta 8

    hoe cool is that? he waited until his mom passed, i think he’s handling this with a great sense of humor, he must know how awkward this is for everyone. anyways what does a sheldon look like? i don’t know any… i picture a tall, salt and pepper haired man.

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  9. I have to say, going from Sheldon to Chip doesn’t exactly sound like a step up! Chip is what you name a dog, not a middle aged man!

    I will give him all sort of kudos for doing it though. I don’t like my first name, but I HATE my middle name and would love to change it. My daughter is trying to convince me to do it. Her arguments are legitimate…”It’s your name Mom…if you don’t like it, change it!” And really, how can you argue with that?

    Reply
  10. Harmony 10

    LOL Mrs. Magic Vajayjay!! I shall now be known as Princess Lulabell of Poppy Land.

    Reply
  11. Harmony 11

    Thanks for sharing your little gem…this had me laughing out loud!!!

    Reply
  12. Calling a 47 year old Chip is like a boy nicknamed Jamie who still goes by that at 47 – it just doesn’t work well. I wonder if he considered calling himself…Don??

    Good giggles! Love ’em!

    Reply
  13. Oh me oh my! You have stumbled into the Twilight Zone. I won’t guarantee things won’t get weirder, but hang in there!

    Reply
  14. grace 14

    if i were going to change my name (and if i was a man), i’m quite certain that i wouldn’t pick “chip” as the replacement. good grief. you sure do know some interesting characters. :)

    Reply
  15. After the laughter, I too wondered what a Sheldon looked like! And I can’t get past the “chip” on my three sons!
    Like Krysta, I think it’s charming that he waited until his mom passed to do this. And while his poetry is a little odd, what a wonderful way to handle the transition! It’s clear that it’s very important to him.

    And wow! You had quite the weekend!

    Reply
  16. Oh my hell. What on earth happens to a man’s brain as he approaches 50?

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  17. Teri 17

    I must agree, growing up with “Sheldon” must have been hard. But changing it at 47 (I also am 47 so am not completely ignorant to the age factor), I just can’t imagine is going to change things for Shel…I mean Chip! Everyone that knows him, will still see Sheldon as, well, “Sheldon”. But it was respectful for him to wait for his Mom’s passing. It obviously must have driven him crazy…. gosh, I hope my kids are happy with their names! I better go ask them tonight.

    Crazy weekend you’ve had, hope it gets better!

    Reply
  18. Liz C. 18

    This cracked me up too. Our son has always wondered why we didn’t name him a cool name like Arnold (as in Schwarzenegger). That always cracked me up. Maybe he’ll wait until I die to change it to Arnold. Very funny (hmmm) post.

    Reply
  19. Egghead 19

    I only know one Chip and he is called that because he truly was named after his father and grandfather…all three have the exact same name. But Chip fits him. However, we went to an event the other night with he and his wife and some drunken lady he worked with called him Skip. Heh! Heh!

    Reply
  20. Alisa 20

    I kept waiting for the punchline as I was reading this. This is definitely odd. You’ve definitely had an odd weekend!

    Reply
  21. Daziano 21

    LoL!!!

    Reply
  22. OMG! I don’t even know the poor man and I’m embarrassed for him! Why in the world did he choose Chip?!?!

    Reply
  23. You’d think he’d pick a better name than “Chip.” How is that any better than Shel? My gosh… If I were gonna change my name and I was a guy I’d want it to be masculine, manly, BIG… not… chip. Chip of what? Certainly not a chip of testosterone. Chip makes me think of a little kid following his dad around with bandaids on his knees. He’s 47? A Chip who is 47? That sounds like someone who likes to skip through fields of wild flowers.

    Reply
  24. pam 24

    Oh my gosh! I don’t even know “Sheldon”, but I think that is the funniest thing ever!!

    Reply
  25. laura 25

    this only furhter supports my argument that my next career will be the self-appointed name police. these brand new mommies just don’t have a clue of all the pain and suffeting they wreak when they bestow their lovely newborns with some of these names.
    i am also visualizing a bunch of “Neveah’s” running out to do the same thing and 40 year or so from now.

    Reply
  26. Huh? I kept waiting for the line that said “and I’ve always felt like a woman, so along with my name change….” As others have pointed out, Chip is his name of choice?

    Reply
  27. I’ve always liked my name. It was my great grandfather’s name, my grandfather’s name, my father’s name, and now it’s mine. I wouldn’t think of changing it. I even use my real name on my blog. But if somebody hates there name the should change it.
    Perhaps with the new name he’ll start looking and acting like a chip.

    Reply
  28. Do you suppose he’ll stop with the name, or change other things now that ma’s dead?

    Reply
  29. melissa 29

    Yeah, I’m not sure if that’s funny, sad or sweet. Maybe all three. And I totally get what you mean by he looks and acts like a Sheldon. That could totally be the name of a few of my very Jewish family members.

    Reply
  30. The script was in silver?

    What would Miss Manners say?

    I am so changing my name to something perky. . .

    Reply
  31. ALF 31

    That is freakin hysterical. I have never heard of sending out such an announcement. Does he think people really will be able to just start calling him Chip? This is crazy. It’s also kind of sad. How often do you see him? You must post the next time you do and let us know whether or not you successfully called him “Chip” or if you just laughed in his face.

    Reply
  32. Hey, if it makes him feel better to be called Chip, rather than Sheldon, go for it! In naming traditions of the past, there were so many names given, distinguished names, that you just don’t hear much these days, like: Farnsworth, Egbert, Wellington, Basel, Wilbert, Winfield and so many others. Times and tastes change…

    Reply
  33. I had to read this to my husband because he wondered why I had wet my pants :)

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  34. all I can say is…omg… anything after that is not really nice

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  35. ROFLMAO

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  36. giz 36

    Hilarious – what’s even funnier is that he’s an attorney – wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall in the office with colleagues and more importantly with clients. I sure hope “Chip” is the boss. It would have been tougher on the family if he said he was having a sex change operation.

    Reply
  37. Harmony 37

    LMAO…that is great, “chip of what?”. I agree, the name Chip reminds me of a little kid…bandaids and all!!

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  38. Tipper 38

    I suppose since he is an attorney he had to send one to the local court house clerks too. I can just imagine what they thought. Oh well to each his own. At least it made you laugh.

    Reply
  39. Jules 39

    I’d say…there is a little dip in that Chip!

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  40. HA! From Sheldon to Chip? I’m not sure which is worse!!!

    Reply
  41. Lara 41

    That’s hilarious!!

    I grew up with a kid who was Sri Lankan, and apparently in that culture it is common to change one’s name at age 13. His ‘young” name was Priyanka, and for some reason, I assumed his after-13 name would be something like “Steve”. Nope. It was Rohana. Now that I’m older and more aware/understanding of cultural differences, this makes more sense – but to a 13-year-old, it was a little baffling. Should I be embarrassed to admit that?

    Reply
  42. I think I am in love with Sheldon – oh wait Chip! How fabulous to break out and do that in this way and how much respect he had to wait for his mother to die first. Yes, I really like Chip…

    Reply
  43. Kristen 43

    That is hysterical. Hey – at least he’s not changing his name to Shelly :)

    Reply
  44. Good grief I can’t imagine calling a middle aged man CHIP.

    Makes me think of “My Three Sons”.

    Reply
  45. Flea 45

    Oh that is too funny! And so very sad, that he had to wait till his mother died. Did he and his wife live in the mom’s basement the first three years they were married?

    And you’re right. This is much better than buying the Ferrari, dumping the wife for the secretary and heading for the Riviera.

    Reply
  46. Lex the Mom 46

    Oh my! That is funny & I don’t even know the guy! I don’t think it’s a step up in the name category, though – a step down maybe! Heh!

    Reply

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