The Royal Bag


One of yesterday’s top news stories was coverage of President Bush’s final farewell trip to Europe as President of the United States.

Bush was in England meeting with her majesty, Queen Elizabeth ll. The reporters were filming Bush and the Queen (with Mrs. Bush and Prince Phillip three steps behind) giving the First Family a personal tour of Windsor Castle.

George Bush looked extraordinarily bored as the Queen pointed out pieces of fine French furniture, tapestries and sculpture.

However, what struck me as funny was Queen Elizabeth walking, chatting and pointing out things all the while carrying her PURSE!

Why does she always, always have that purse with her? She’s in her house for gawd’s sake carrying that bag around! Why?!

What the heck is in there?

Let’s be honest, doesn’t the Queen have maybe, ump-teen ladies-in-waiting? Are these woman not hanging out on the sidelines of her life, ready to jump on every need and want she could possibly request at any moment?

I know her castle is gi-normous and I’m sure getting back to the bedroom for a quick cosmetic touch up is a sheer pain in the neck, but if it’s her hanky or tube of lipstick she can’t live without…can’t one of her people carry it for her? Must she carry the clunker clutch with her everywhere?

So what’s in there?

All of England’s launch codes for nuclear warheads? Tic-Tacs? She’s too old for tampons. Snacks (I’m sure everywhere is too far from the kitchen)? Treats for the Corgi’s? Hemorrhoid Cream? Pepper Spray?

I mean what could be so important that the QUEEN has to carry it herself! Always.

This must have been a previous presidential trip to England.  She’s still got the bag.  George looks like he wants to swipe the purse and run.  Even he is a little curious about the contents of the royal purse.


Can you imagine wearing a crown and needing to carry a purse?  Maybe she has a diamond polisher in there.  I think the woman next to her has the same concerns I do.  She had to bring her own purse out of politeness to the Queen.



There she is with The Clinton’s.  Same type of black bag but with a different gold doo-hickey.  Hmmm….Do you think she has any Coach or Dooney & Burke? 

There are even pictures of her in parades carrying a purse.  Why do you need a purse in a parade?

I wonder if Majesty Magazine would have all the answers?

So does anyone know WHAT’S IN THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND’S PURSE?  I’m intrigued.

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72 Comments

  1. medstudentwife 2

    This is the same question that has been asked for years and years and years. And you know what? No one seems to know.

    I bet who ever cracked the answer would become a millionaire.

  2. Cass 3

    This always strikes me as odd too. I’d like to think she has a pack of gum and a hankie in there….that’s what my great gram would carry around in her purse.

  3. Philly 4

    Xray vision would come in handy right about now

  4. Kiki 5

    I think she has some parchment, an ink well and a feather so she can record a royal decree anytime she wants!

  5. The balls of all the men in the Royal Family. DUH! * wink *

  6. She always has that stupid bag. I think it keeps people from expecting her to shake their hand.

  7. “She’s too old for tampons”. I have never laughed so hard on a Monday morning. Thank you so much for that!

    This is an interesting question, isn’t it? What the hell could be in that bag? And why is it so plain? It looks like one you might pick up at Wal Mart or K Mart, doesn’t it? It doesn’t look like a purse that a queen should carry. If I had to guess what is in there I’d say saltines. My grandmother always seems to have a stash of saltines everywhere just “in case you need a snack.” Because it’s so hard to get food just about anywhere these days…

  8. …and how does it stay in that exact same spot on her arm??? Mine would be down on my hand, falling off to the floor and generally being in the way. When you are Queen does even your purse obey you???

  9. No, I have no idea. Maybe a dead fish to smack W with…?
    Could our president please have a less vacuous expression on his face. He looks like he’s about to start drooling.

  10. I have no idea what’s in the Queen’s handbag! But I would think the reason one she always carries one is that a handbag completes an outfit, at least in the very traditional sense (rather like how ladies would never leave the house without their gloves in the 18th century).

  11. Absolutely nothing is in any of her handbags. They are obviously her very own personal fashion statement must have! And if she gets sick and needs to throw up, it comes in very handy.

    I wonder if she does her own picking out of her wardrobe or does someone do it for her? A side of frumpy anyone? Actually, her evening gown is quite lovely. It’s the purple hat that astounds me, and I would think a white bag and gloves would look better than the black.

  12. Fran 13

    Could she be carrying Phillips “family jewels” around in it? heheheheheheheh

    Fran

  13. Well naturally she is carrying around a flask of whisky…

  14. Meg 15

    Who knows what’s inside, I can’t get past how ugly it is!

  15. Kristen 16

    Oh that is hysterical! I never really thought about it, but now I am so intrigued.

  16. I love the title of this post!!!!
    Option A: Maybe she is a ‘The Price is Right’ gal..Bob Barker might be her Prince Charming and she wants to be on the ready!
    Or, for practical reasons: Perhaps some Depends or a ‘freshener’ for down there, of sorts…. Definitely some snacks.. Gads, think of those darn schedules and delays! Extra panties, just in case she has a discreet one-nighter (she is single and girl can only dream, right?)… Heck.. my 74ish s.mom has talked about ‘booty call’ nights with a certain gentleman friend…
    Toothbrush, mints… for those ‘hush hush’ close to your face chats with powers that be..
    And a pearl handled ‘quant’ little handgun..
    A girl must always be prepared.. no matter what her age..

  17. When I saw the title of this post I thought you were referring to the QofE herself. I have so many thoughts about this post that I just don’t know where to begin.

    I currently carry a purse, but I hate carrying a purse. I simply ran out of pockets. I don’t have ladies in waiting to cart my stuff. I still go sans purse whenever I can.

    It seems very fiscally responsible for the QofE to buy her purses at Walmart like I do. Can you imagine the public outrage if she were to squander the nation’s wealth on designer bags while there are orphans starving in the streets and being taken advantage of by criminals who train them to work for them as pickpockets? Hey, I’ve read Oliver Twist and I am aware of the state of affairs in the UK.

    Why does she carry a purse? Well, I think it’s simply because she comes from a generation that was raised to believe that a lady always carries a purse. My granny had the same sort of notions which seem so antiquated to us. Besides, the QofE needs a spot to stash her cell phone and iPod. Of course if you’d watched The Princess Diaries, you would know that royalty is always given lessons in how to do things like stifle sneezes, stir their tea in the proper direction, and never allow their handbags to slip.

    Now for the pictures.

    Of course Dubya has that look on his face. That’s the same look any man would have while listening to some old bag talk about old furniture or whatever else. Perhaps she’s telling him about the decision to buy Walmart purses instead of designer purses and he’s thinking, “For God’s sake woman! Wear something with pockets like I do.” He’s also thinking, “No other man has to take this type of conversation from anyone but his wife and daughters. Why me? Oh yeah, diplomacy.”

    The woman in the second picture is eyeing the purse because the QofE has chosen so much more wisely than she and she is silently kicking herself for it.

    Hillary and Chelsea may be modern women in pants suits, but they are just frumpy in a more modern way. Did you notice the distance between Bill and the QofE? Clearly Bill’s reputation has preceded him, and the QofE is not taking chances.

    Finally, I am glad no one follows me around taking my pictures. You could write a whole book on frumpy, dissheveled, fashion mistakes, and cheap clothing based on those pictures. Also, since I am not royalty and have never had that special Princess Diaries type training, you’d probably catch me using the wrong fork, looking noticeably bored/annoyed/disgusted with regular folk (not to mention foreign and domestic dignitaries), pulling out a wedgie, or picking my nose.

    Dang it! I was really trying to get to that 3000 character limit with this comment. So close! Only a little more than 200 characters to go and I have to give up. There’s just nothing more to say. Except that the more I say there’s nothing more to say, the closer I get to 3000 characters. Well, so long, farewell, aufweidersehn, goodbye.

  18. Alisa 19

    It has the map to the castle, dungeons included. Do you know how big that place is? Geesh, have a little compassion for the lady, alzheimers is probably setting in and she can’t remember a dang thing. :)

  19. pam 20

    I think it’s adorable that she carries a purse, especially one of those handbag types. I love old ladies purses, with hankies and breath mints. Those were the days.

  20. by the way, that question is in an old bette midler routine… it’s a classic.

  21. I actually saw a televised special once where she was taking questions from school children and one of them asked what was in her purse. She opened it up and started taking things out. I remember a hanky, but I don’t remember what else. Probably lipstick and breath mints. It was very cute.

    I always carry a purse. How can people survive without them? I thought it was the law that you had to have your driver’s license with you when you drive.

  22. Paula 24

    your post is hysterical! maybe she’s like my grandma and always has a kleenex or cough drop at the ready.

  23. vanessa 25

    Here is an article which you might find interesting: link to economictimes.indiatimes.com

    Then of course there is the book:
    link to amazon.co.uk

    Silly purse.

  24. jancd 26

    I hope you have more respect for the next president.

  25. Maybe her purse is like mine. Mine is full of spilled Eclipse gum, loose change, legos and hot wheels cars.

  26. Teri 28

    Don’t over think this… she’s a proper old woman. My grandmother had a purse just like that too, so when I was little, out of curiosity I looked inside that hard black purse with the brass closures. The contents were as follows… an embroidered hanky (which she handed to any one of us grandkids when our noses were runny, and it was scratchy), sin-sin or violet gum, wallet with usual contents and pictures of family, funky little change purse that you press to open (always change inside and a safety pin (don’t ask, maybe secretly she was MacGeyver’s grandma too). Maybe that’s all she has in their and that’s what she feels secure with? My grandmother was furious when she found looking through her contents, maybe she’s afraid if she leaves it around, she will find someone looking through her purse too. ??? Just a guess.

  27. Jules 29

    Actually, I do believer she carries her royal vibrator to keep that constipated smile on her face throughout the day:)

  28. Teri 30

    excuse my typos… no coffee yet! “when she found ME looking through her contents… blah blah… etc.” and a few others..

  29. Lara 31

    I’m with Pam (above) on the hankies and breath mints, but I’d like to add that she probably also has lipstick, a powder puff, and a flask of whiskey.

  30. I’m going with a tiny bottle of gin and a compact cattle prod, for when the princes get out of line. Or to zap Bush Jr when he falls asleep. I’d actually pay to see that.

  31. I’ve wondered the same thing. Also – do you think that her arm has a dent in it from wearing it everywhere? Maybe it’s got the royal keys to the castle?

  32. Elle 34

    You are hilarious, Cathy! Too old for tampons, hahaha!

  33. I guess we can chaulk this one up to one of the worlds great mysteries!!!

  34. Natty 36

    Is it pathetic that I actually know what the queen carries in her purse? Mints, word puzzles (I wonder if she’s into Soduko now?), a hankie, a compact, pictures and little toys/good luck thingies. No money, no ID, no credit cards– that’s the part that blows my mind. I wonder if she has a cell phone now?

    I love my purse. It’s wear I keep all my toys and candy.

  35. Wendy 37

    *cough*
    Queen of the United Kingdom!
    *cough*
    Not just England… :P Actually.. she’s the Queen of the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, the Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Belize, Antigua and Barbuda, and Saint Kitts and Nevis.
    :P
    … and I love the idea of the royal vibrator and Prince Phillip’s family jewels! ;) hehehe.

    I reckon it’s a security blanket!! I bet she hugs it to help her sleep at night.

    link to answers.yahoo.com

  36. I think she’s carrying a stun gun.

  37. I bet there is nothing in there. If it was loaded up with nonsense, it would get heavy and become a pain. I bet she carries it to keep up that proper British lady image.

  38. Ann 40

    I think she has a pet rock in there and condoms. And a small gun.

    No, really – it’s just her security blanket. Plus, girl crap that we all carry.

  39. I asked my kids what they thought she had in there and they said:
    Andy, age 14, “a gun”
    Teddy, age 12, “an inhaler’
    Patrick, age 10, “money”
    Gooser, age 5, “an iPhone”
    and Pickle, age 20 mos, “I don’t know”

  40. I’m going with M&M’s – you need chocolate and better that it melts in your mouth, not in your hand:)

    I clicked on the link from Vanessa – that’s actually kind of cool!

  41. I don’t think it is a purse… I think it is a pocketbook. Because the queen looks more like a pocketbook type of lady than and purse type of lady to me…

  42. Earlier this year I vacationed at a 7,000 square foot condo. It was the entire top floor of a high rise, the penthouse suite. It literally took five minutes to walk from one end to the other.

    I totally carried my purse around with me. And my laptop. And food sustenance in the event that I turned an ankle or something.

  43. Rachel 45

    Well, if Buckingham Palace is anything like the Victoria and Albert Museum, she may need that map. I was never so embarassed as when I was trying to find the exit and it took me 3 hours to get out. I went through the same room about 4 times before a security guard finally felt sorry for me and walked me to an exit (which I probably still couldn’t find!).

  44. If you find out let me know.

  45. patty 47

    cigarettes and a lighter (no one in this world would ask anyone else to “carry” them for them).

    I’m a smoker – I know…

  46. I laughed through this whole post!! I love it!! Awesome!!!

    And I have always thought maybe she was uncomfortable in public and never knew what to do with her hands so she carried a purse!

  47. Sassy 49

    I don`t think there is anything in her purses, which of course is a dissapointing thought. She carries it to look completed, as with the hat and gloves.

    She has a lipstick lady in waiting, who carries the big tube. One to carry her hanky, one to keep an eye on the prince, well, you get the picture.

  48. I think she carries a small hand gun.

  49. Rita 51

    it’s a fashion statement! without it, it is not an outfit ^_*

  50. ALF 52

    My mom always makes fun of me for keeping close tabs on my purse. The reason I do it is because I’m slightly neurotic about losing it or losing something in it so if I don’t have it with me I have to constantly check on its whereabouts or else worry about it. Maybe the Queen is like me…crazy.

  51. grace 53

    hold on a hot second–does your title refer to the queen or her accessory? that’s hilarious. at this point, i expect nothing less from you. :)
    my guess–pork rinds and a tazer. and maybe a small can of aqua net.

  52. Neen 54

    An emergency alarm system, which triggers Secret Service agents to materialize out of thin air? Heaven forbid she’s ever the victim of a purse snatch.

  53. I have often wondered about the bag myself. Good to know I’m not the only one musing about its mysterious contents and obvioulsy utter importance.

  54. Tipper 56

    I don’t know whats in it-but now I’m wondering.

  55. Jody 57

    This made me laugh…after dating brits for the last umpteen years…current beau from Liverpool, I can assure you that it is not just the Queen that carries their bags around as such…
    But seriously, do you need to carry it with you through Windsor Castle…or how bout when you head to the barn out at Balmoral…? Perhaps she has one of those invisible dog zappers on Prince Phillip and the clicker is in her bag???

  56. HoneyB 58

    haha, I may be the only one who doesn’t think this odd….but I grew up with my grandmother and mother taking their purse to the bedroom with them at night….and no, I don’t! LOL

  57. Thanks for that link! It was quite informative! (Who carries around a purse full of collectables???)

  58. magpie 60

    Well, she’s too old for tampons.

  59. 1. A benzedrine inhaler, to get through a slow day 2. A little card with names of all people she’s gonna meet 3. A pack of Trident launch codes 4. A tweezer for plucking out the mustache. 5. A laser pointer to ignite paparrazi cameras 6. A remote control, to direct her entourage 7. Good charms given to her by aliens for letting them into goverment

  60. Shirley 62

    I think she carries it because it gives her something to do with her hands/arms–a prop, so to speak. It probably holds little. (Tissues, rouge, hand lotion …) She’s probably look even more stiff and awkward without it.

  61. Indigo 63

    I debated whether to get offended on the Queen’s behalf towards the start of this post – small warning: British people don’t take kindly to jokes about her; we’re generally pretty proud of her and get a bit defensive. Also she reminds about 99% of us of our grans – but then I got the giggles at that second photo of the woman eyeing her bag XDD. Speaking of my gran, she was exactly the same with her bag (she always kept it sat right next to her chair; and I mean her armchair, at home. Really.) A lot of people I know carry them round everywhere with them; I think it’s a British thing. Also largely an old lady thing XD.

  62. I bet she has lots of bobby pins in there to hold the tierra. Bet she is packing a weapon of some sort too. She looks like one mean granny who dont take any shit…..no candy for the youngins in that purse…oh no.

    peace
    #2

  63. I think she brings her heirloom wherever she go.

  64. Well, I can see her having those bags too. I think, there’s something important inside of those bags…hmmm diamond? Maybe. :P

  65. Tea bags? LOL. This is a bag to carry her dog!

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