Plastic Surgery You Just Don’t Think About…AT LEAST I DIDN’T, Until Now!


So, I’m in the mood to be gross.  Well, it’s not that I’m in the mood but a particular topic came up at my house last night and it’s gross.  So therefore I will discuss it and be gross. Okay?

The Wild Boar and I were watching television and happily cuddling when an HDTV special came on discussing vaginal and bum hole rejuvenation surgery.  What!  Well, that abruptly ended the cuddling and did they really need to film this topic in High Definition television?

Gawd, I thought I had heard it all but apparently we can now take our old, worn out hoo-haws and aged bum holes and have them remodeled.  It’s being done in record numbers!  I must live under a rock.

So the Wild Boar being an OB/GYN…I looked at him very, very suspiciously, accusingly and disbelievingly, as if his chosen profession is causing this craziness and said:
 
Me:  Do you know about this?

Wild Boar:  Yes. (He’s a man of many words)

Me:  Have you done these procedures before?

Wild Boar:  Yes, lots.

Me:  Lots?  To who?

Wild Boar:  You know I won’t tell you that.

Me:  Do I know them?

Wild Boar: Stop.

Me:  Bbbuuuttt…how does someone just blurt out to you that they want this brand new, younger looking, vagina thing?

Wild Boar:  It usually comes up when I’m going to be doing another surgery on them and they ask if I can…

Me: (cutting him off)  Oh, you mean you’re going to do a hysterectomy so could you also take out the extra flaps of skin around my bum hole or is it they don’t want a perfectly coiffed landing strip sitting on a bumpy tarmac…Yuck!

Wild Boar:  You really have a way with words.

Me:  No seriously….why do people want this? 

Wild Boar:  They want to feel better about themselves, please their partner, look younger or they feel they have extra skin down there and they want it removed.  Just random reasons.

Me: What!  Oh God!  People worry about this?  What happened to just wanting to get rid of crow’s feet on their faces?  Has this world become so completely vain? 

I mean I could see if you really had some weird childbirth trauma down there or the varicose vein issue or something that really, really made things strange and odd but to look younger!  To look more…I don’t even know the word is!  Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Wild Boar:  (so non-judgmental)  It’s their choice.

Me:  So what have you have more requests for…the fountain of youth vaginal surgery or the bum fixer uppers?

Wild Boar: The anus.

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I need a mirror.

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26 Comments

  1. I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the chair!
    But then on the other hand, how awful for those poor people to be so self conscious of what their bum looks like…

    Rosie

    Reply
  2. NIna 2

    I started reading…and then I called the husband and we were crawling on the floor we laughed so much. Thx for adding such humor to my day today. I am also amazed….

    Reply
  3. Ewww! I just don’t get this. What could cause someone to need this? Never mind. I don’t even want to know. Just. Ew.

    Reply
  4. HAHAHA! I’ve only heard about this from Dr. 90210, which I’m totally addicted to. I had no idea normal people actually have it done.

    Reply
  5. I live in such a little bubble… I am so clueless about these things… really really clueless… I have no idea what the fix for a ‘bum’ would be!! I can imagine the landing area, but the rear??? What the???
    Can’t we just age gracefully???

    Reply
  6. Hahaha!
    I’m laughing so hard! I didn’t know either, but I just can’t imagine saying to my doc “and could you fix my saggy hoo haw too”! I don’t even know if mine sags. If it does, oh well. I’m not getting a hoo haw lift!!!
    I’m going to be laughing all day!

    Reply
  7. OMG…I’m laughing so hard right now I can barely type!

    I’m with you…I had no idea these surgeries existed and I can’t even begin to imagine asking for one! I guess there is no part of the body left sacred, huh?

    Reply
  8. OH. MAH. GAH.

    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!

    Reply
  9. Daisy 9

    I never thought of this! Clearly, my priorities are not in the right place… Just kidding.

    Thanks for the Monday-morning laugh!!! (And the warning about HDTV…)

    Reply
  10. Big Ted 10

    Sounds good to me!

    Reply
  11. Harmony 11

    The fountain of youth…just a scalpel slice away! Thanks for the morning laugh!!!

    Reply
  12. Egghead 12

    Oh I just nearly snorted my water out my nostrils. I just wrote about my physical and something that happened nearly like this….Yikes.

    Reply
  13. kate 13

    ohdeargod. i should not have read this at work. good thing i work with ALL women, i was able to share. we’re all laughing.

    seriously. what is wrong with people?

    funniest post i’ve read in a while.

    Reply
  14. Dawn 14

    OK…yuck.

    That’s gross.

    Reply
  15. Wait a minute. Your husband said more women get cosmetic surgeries on their anuses?? Like for hemorrhoids or something more sinister?
    That’s fascinating.

    Reply
  16. That is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long, long time!

    Reply
  17. Dear God, the things I learn coming here. It’s probably why I’ve given you this award. You’ll find it on my blog. You deserve it!

    Reply
  18. Liz C. 18

    Good Grief! Haven’t these women ever heard of ALUM?

    Of course, it won’t work on the “bum”, but DANG! Can’t they just learn to SUCK IT UP (or in?).

    Poor hubby… not a job I’d want. Okay, maybe for the money it’s worth it, LOL!

    I’d rather spend my $$ on drooping boobs or facial jowls…

    Reply
  19. I’ve had a couple of surgeries in my life, and they were NOT a comfortable or painfree experience. Why would anyone want that discomfort in THAT AREA?? Argh.

    Reply
  20. Meg 20

    OMgosh, I am going to LOVE this place,lol! I watch plastic surgery on tv religiously and if I had it to do all over again, I would BE a plastic surgeon. I have seen this procedure done, and cannot get over it every time…it’s such a “common” thing in LA…anymore. I don’t get it, I would much rather have a new set of boobs, and Lipselection and well, the list could go on and on…

    GREAT post, awesome blog, I am adding you to my roll today!

    Reply
  21. shelly 21

    Did you see the one where the porn star had her butthole bleached so her bung looked good for the anal shots? It was on TLC I think. Could you imagine?

    Reply
  22. Oh *gigglegigglegiggle* crap.

    Reply
  23. I was just reading some of the other comments and came across Shelly’s about the bum bleach. I actually did a post on the stuff because I COULD NOT BELIEVE THEY MADE SUCH STUFF!!!! I was all, WTH??? But alas, I guess those porn stars need…um, well, tighty whities?

    Or something like that.

    Reply
  24. Audrey 24

    I’m so glad you do the “what I blogged about a year ago…” This one had me laughing so hard! My poor cat thinks I’m going loco. I had tears, I was laughing so hard.
    Thanks for giving me the gift of having a good/comical day. Even if it was a year ago!

    Reply
  25. Kait1in 25

    My fiance and I are still giggling! I had NO IDEA this kind of surgery existed… My fiance apparently is more aware than myself– this was not the first time he had heard of such surgeries. Thanks for the giggles!

    Reply
  26. Branch 26

    This post and the comments are the funniest things I’ve read in a week.
    Perhaps your husband could “bundle” these two procedures together, give a special lower price, and call it “The Tighten and Whiten” package.

    It’s all about the marketing.

    Reply

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