Are You a Geek, a Nerd or a Dork?


So which one are you?  And in reference to what, right?  And in what sense?  And…and…can you be all three or two…

Calm down.  Let me get there.

Okay, well you can be a geek, a nerd or a dork in regards to almost anything.

To make it easy and to give us a point of reference, the folks over at Cafepress have defined for us (on a T-shirt) the varying levels of geek culture and exactly what they mean.  So let’s go over those descriptions first and then try to relate them back to something else.

So according to the all-knowing Cafepress, if you are a:

Geek:  You understand, create and fix Really Cool Stuff

Nerd:   You understand and collect Really Cool Stuff

Dork:  You are confused by Really Cool Stuff

Alright, there are your definitions.  So let’s try to relate these to something; something tangible, and find out which one YOU are.  Because that’s what’s really important here, YOU.  You, the internet…are you geeky, nerdy or dorky?

So let’s see..hmmm…okay, I pick wine.  Imagine that.  Hey, it’s my blog and that’s what I want to know about YOU.

With regard to wine, we all have varying levels of experiences, understanding, interest and obsessions.  God knows I do.  But how much do you really know?  Let’s really delve into this very important subject matter.  This information is crucial to me for my own up and coming, personal research.

Now are you a WINE GEEK…using the above definition…c’mon let’s see? 

It seems many, many people would consider themselves self-proclaimed wine-geeks.  The word is obviously being misused according to Cafepress.  I mean I didn’t think so, but for cripe’s sake it’s on a T-Shirt; we need to follow the rules here.  So, wine-geeks create, make and fix wine (wine is the really cool stuff); they do not just know a lot about it. 

So if:

You know how to:
Prevent Calcium Tartrate Problems in Wine
Measure the Oxidation-Reduction Potential in Wine
Make Acidity Adjustments at the Time of Harvest (
or any other time)
Control Reduction Odor Defects during Wine Aging

Understand:
The Effects of Filtration on the Composition and Organoleptic Characters of Wine
Chemical Properties of Sugars
The Impact of Aerating Wine
Wine Transformation by Malolactic Fermentation
The Role of Barrel Aging

If you are:
A winemaker
An Enologist
A Cellar Rat
You taste more wines out of a beaker than a glass…

I proclaim you a certified WINE GEEK (according to the definition of course).  Congratulations, you have reached the highest level of all things WINE-GEEKY.  Put on your GEEKSTA T-shirt…you rock.  You are intelligent but must also be artful in your own GEEKED out way.  Take a bow.

Now for the Nerds:

I think a lot of Nerds have been calling themselves Geeks for a long time; and according to this very reliable list it needs to stop.  I mean wine-nerds don’t create or fix wine, so geez you’re a Nerd; it says it on a T-Shirt.  Now, don’t get me wrong, a Nerd is not a bad place to be.  However, I like the term Wine-Aficionado much, much better; it’s fitting for the lover of all things wine.  A wine Nerd may be able to sip and swirl with the best of them but probably could not rattle off the importance of a Pump-Over Operation and Must Aeration Program at a winery, that’s for the Geeks to worry about.

So, if you are a wine Nerd:

You are much more entertaining than a wine-geek (I love that)
You Know the Soil Properties of Every Single Vineyard Cabernet Ever Made (it’s good information to know)
You Speak in Wine Slang even When It’s not Appropriate (that’s alright…I’ll deal)
You often Grandstand in the Middle of a Room, making Illustrious Comments about a Wine’s Backbone (again, entertainment)
You Couldn’t Schlep Tank Hoses Around a Winery if Your Life Depended On it…god Forbid You Had to Connect Several Hoses Together (it’s horrible hard work, you wouldn’t want to do it anyway)
You Spend Eighteen Minutes Trying to Decide if it’s Ginger or Nutmeg that is Volatilizing in Your Wine; causing Your Itty-Bitty-Brain to Explode into Minuscule Dork Parts (Ummm, your on your own here)
You Have a Beaker-Decanter (that’s funny)

Now for the Dorks.  I’m so sorry for you.  The wine world has passed you by.  You’ve tried several times to jump on the wine train but every time, it leaves the station before you get on.  I’m sorry; hopefully with this very in-depth list, you can recognize your shortcomings, enter the mainstream, and try once and for all to educate yourself on the importance of understanding wine.  Really, you need to do it.  It’s for the good of, well…the good of…EVERYTHING!

Okay Dorks, get ready to be Exposed…

You are a Wine Dork If:

You Think Burgundy is a Varietal (type of grape) Rather than a Region (oh, Dorks, this one hurts)
Wine is More Confusing than Dating (nothing is more confusing than dating)
You’re NOT Really Sure if Wine is Made from Grapes (put on your Dork crown now and we will bow at your feet)
You Think the Movie Sideways was ABOUT Wine (it’s not; it’s about morality and maturity)
You Don’t Know How to Pronounce  Pinot Grigio or Cabernet Sauvignon so You Never Order Them (here’s some help: Pee-no-Gree-jo and Ka-behr-Nay So-vihn-Yohn (so-vee-NYawn, now call your waitress over)
You Think Domaine Chandon is Just an Internet Web Address (stop blogging and go to the wine store already, sheesh!)
You’ve Poured Wine from a Spittoon into Your Glass at a Tasting Bar (the shame you must have felt)
You Think Terroir is a type of Horror Film (you wouldn’t understand the answer)

So which one are you…according to this list?  You can also throw in what you are Geeky about to make yourself feel better.  I’d really like to know.

Post a Comment

9 Comments

  1. Lol. Very cool post. I don’t know which category I would fall in because I cant drink wine. Hmm I guess I’m sorta geeky at baking stuff.

    Reply
  2. Shelly 2

    I guess I would fall into the Dork category here. I only know that I like to drink it. I am more of a nerd/geek about my yard and flowers.

    Reply
  3. Well I’m left out of all three of these…so what does that make me? I am definitely not a dork or a geek, but not a nerd either since the thought of haggling over nutmeg or cinnamon for longer than one minute seems tiresome. I don’t know all the soil properties of anything, but I do enjoy reading about soil properties. Hmm. I can be entertaining, and I occasionally use wine slang. However, I don’t give a crap about talking about a wine’s backbone. I’d rather talk about myself.(kidding, kidding)I don’t mind physical labor, but I don’t seek it out. Finally, I certainly don’t own a beaker decanter, but I do own a fancy one. I appreciate a delicate, old Pinot Noir, but if three dollar table wine is all ya got, I’ll take it.

    Reply
  4. Kate 4

    I am not a dork, nor am I a nerd (totally not a geek, though). So I guess I’m a cross. )I’m across the board lovin’ your site, too!)

    Reply
  5. I don’t think I’m any of the above. I’d classify myself in more of the “drunk after 3 glasses but I like it all” category.

    Reply
  6. amy 6

    I would be a dork. I know nothing about wine!

    Reply
  7. I am a dork with a rising nerd.

    Reply
  8. The dork shoe is fitting. I know how to pronounce wines. When I order wine in a restaurant, I get something mid-priced, not really knowing anything about it, though. I have enough experience to know when a wine is good and when it can strip paint off an old barn.

    I grew up a few miles from Palisade, Colorado, where there are tons of vintners and wineries. Everyone in the valley thinks it is the best wine on the planet, but I’m not sure the rest of the world agrees. Yet. Are you familiar with Colorado wines? Be kind.

    Reply
  9. Nork. Right between a nerd and a dork. Between – better than a dork… but definitely lower than Nerd. Please don’t ban me :)

    Reply

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