Setting the scene:
On a recent vacation we decided to take the hooligans to an upscale establishment for dinner. We prepped them all day long on the rigors of Fancy Restaurant 101; how to act, how to address the server when spoken to and how to use only their quietest voices. No stone was left unturned. Every possible scenario was played out. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Here's how it went:
Waitress: Good evening folks, how is everyone doing this evening?
Me: Fine thank you, how are you?
Waitress: I'm great. (bending over towards the hooligans). And how are these handsome little men this evening?
Oldest Hooligan: Ummmm...sometimes I throw up in my mouth and then I swallow it.
Waitress: Oh, (very surprised) did that just happen?
Oldest Hooligan: Yes, and I swallowed it.
Youngest Hooligan: (to the waitress) Is that a hair growing out of your chin?
Me: (sliding under the table) I'LL TAKE THE WINE LIST NOW!!!!!!!!!!
Will there be a special place in heaven for me?
We left her a big tip. Hopefully she'll use it for electrolysis.